The loss of babyhood and celebration of life

Do you ever have moments where you just know things have changed.  I've had many of those recently in looking at my baby.  Looking at her and realizing that she is not that anymore. 

And then it was here, her birthday.  I've had mixed feelings about birthdays in the past.  With this being her first I wanted to break from the traditional party to celebrating her life and remembering her birth itself.  

I still think her birth story is pretty awesome, and I would totally do it the same way again (if I could guarantee that I would not have the baby in the car on the way to the hospital).  So on her birthday, we went to the lake that I walked round and round while in labor.  We being me, the girls and my mom (who was not working that day - poor Beach was, though, so he couldn't come).

A bit cooler than the year before, but the sun shinned and warmed me from the inside out.  I just loved spending some quality time, reminiscing about the places I had to squat out a contraction and the log that we would spot the turtles.

Last year, I knew it was a last harooahhh of eating before birth and there was a Wendy's right off the trail.  So we stopped for a frosty and a fry (note this is something that never happens).   I had to re-live this part as well, of course, and Zoe very much enjoyed her "special treat."  We even saved some for daddy, too, so he could have a piece of the day.  The cold weather got to Zoe, though, and she was shivering  as she ate, and loving every second. 

As a side note, I totally almost fell in the lake off this lovely bridge thing.  Really, the only thing that saved my tripping self was a very old piece of wood that held all my body weight from going over.  This would not have made for a happy momma...but perhaps for a better story. 

It was a great afternoon.  

The following day, while it was snowing in the upstate, we headed to the park for a picnic.  I debated all day whether it was worth the chance of the weather holding off, and not freezing to death (causing me much anxiety ...how I hate this about me).  In the end Beach said we were going, since he knew I would be sad, as there was no "plan B".

So we walked, huddled together with our picnic and had cake.  My mom graciously made a homemade one.  Shiloh's first taste of sugar, yet she wasn't a huge fan...Yahhh for that.  Zoe, on the other hand, very much looks forward to birthdays for this very reason.

The highlight for our little Shi was getting to ride in the wagon her uncle brought.  She loved it!

This little bundle of true joy.  How I am blessed this year to have her in my life.  How she is a blessing to others, some that even have to stop me from across the grocery store for the big smile that she gives them.  For the great big hugs and kisses and snuggles that I treasure and melt in.  For the way that she loves to dance, even if she can't stand yet but waves her hands wildly as her sister jumps around her.  For how she adores her sister and can't seem to get enough.  I love you my precious sweet gift of God.  May your light always shine so bright!

Love is in the air!

The happenings of February. 

So, slowly but surely our little Zoe, who is almost three is getting hair!  Beach likes to try to brush the hair that she does have, which she doesn't appreciate....it has a life of its own....cute little thing!

I was amazed that Zoe even had enough hair for a bath mohawk!  This must be some sign of accomplishment (even if the photo doesn't show it well).  

Shiloh LOVES the bath and Zoe tolerates her being there as long as she is not splashing (which she always is  :-).

The only place I like to shop with the girls is Publix....where this is a major reason.  Zoe always wants "the driver one" and we are all very disappointed if one is not available.  What a great thing for them both to be able to sit next to each other and pretend to drive...and there is enough room for my groceries!    

Shiloh has now mastered the scoot....she is crazy fast and hilarious to watch her do it!

Shiloh, also, now gives the best hugs and kisses.  It warms a mommy's heart when they start to show love back and initiating in this way!

Her mood can also change rather rapidly, so watch out!

Shiloh is, also, doing well with signing back, which helps big time in the communication process.

Beach got up really early on Valentines day to make me this amazing breakfast.  He is such a servant and so thoughtful. I used to get one every morning but with him now having to be at the kiosk so early, some things have had to change.  I was thankful to this throwback morning though!

The girls' sitter made heart cookies for the holiday with Zoe.  This is the way to her heart, that is for sure!  This sugar deprived girl was very excited! 

This picture captures Zoe's favorite activity "Little People!"  She adores them and will often ask if we will play little people with her.

Did you catch that adorable dress.  My mom made them for all the girls for Valentines day.  Yes they (and she) are pretty AMAZING!

And so is getting them to all sit still....Thanks Uncle Aaron!  Special Treat!

Can I Listen to Your HEART?

Being present.  A constant struggle and something I'm working on.  I do it so much when I'm at work its like my body wants a break or something when I get home.  So I have to remind myself about it often, as I feel that there have been so many missed moments with my family (and even myself for that matter).

The Hands Free Mama blog is an awesome way that brings me back in and she recently had an entry about doing a heart check.  I have been implementing it with Zoe lately each night (after our ritual of rocking, singing, praying and talking), to put my ear up to her little chest and to pause and reflect.  This little life that I have been given the humongous blessing of being able to nurture and grow. This, this little life that I one day will not be able to listen to the way that I do now.  That one day will need her space. This little life that so fragile.  That heart beats so strong and quick.  

Zoe will listen to my heart as well.  Just sit there for a few moments, focusing on this new sound.  When she sits up, she asks if it has turned off. I try to explain to her, not yet.  I want to promise her that it won't be for a very long long time.  I want to, but I can't, for it is not my promise to make.  It reminds me of the finiteness of life.  How we can't take things for granted.  How no matter how tightly we hold on to something, it can never be tight enough to keep it.  It often brings tears to my eyes, my little ones heart beat.  The junk and lists of the day fade and her breath is all that matters.  

I love them and I am blessed.  May I remember to slow down, to listen, to hear, to connect, to love in this moment, while I have it and not look back and wish I had.  

100! How did that happen!

I've been hearing about 100 days of school lately, when I saw my own 100.  

This is my 100th blog post!  How in the world?  I really didn't think I had written that much at all (especially recently).  Considering before I had kids I did not even know anything about this whole blogging world, and now here I am.

I always have in the back of my mind my future goal with this little project.  First, for me to remember the adventure, as I have the WORST long term memory, but the pictures and my own words will be proof to me.  AND I want to get the blog made into a book (or several at this rate).  My father-in-law gave me the great idea that I should make one for each of the girls, as well.  And Lord willing, that is just what I will do.  What a precious keep sake for them and a way to pass on our heritage of sorts (but probably more skewed to show the pleasant side of things).  

I've always thought LEGACY would be an awesome name for one of our babes.  Beach gives me the crazy look when I suggest it (each time).  But I like the idea of the word, leaving your mark.  I hope that is what this will be in some ways for our LOVELAND family.

Another new year...welcome 2013 (and the rest of Jan.)

I've never been one to make big new years goals...but there is something about a fresh new calendar. 

A time of newness, starting over, gearing back up.  And it can be good to stop and reflect on how your moving forward.  I want to be more intentional overall and am setting goals to do so. 

This pic has nothing to do with that...just thought this cup was a hoot (wait...who even uses that word - not me in real life)!  Yes, this is what my hubby makes coffee for me in on our way to a busy birthday party.

But for real, who's complaining about Beach's mad skills...if I can get up early enough to make it to the best coffee in town...you know I'm stopping by.

Nothing better to start your day off with and being reminded of the love.

 We got to go to a fun couple of birthday parties.  Love this of Zoe and her bud, Maya. 

She quiet enjoyed being in charge of her own shopping cart all by herself at Edventure.

This little cautious spirit took awhile to try the bar at a little gym party, but once she did....headed back to it every time she could!  I love to see her grow and challenge herself!  The mom in me, also, loves that she is cautious and wants to be safe.

Although, when this thing blew up, she crawled to me as fast as she could!

A couple of days after the party, Zoe demonstrated her new somersault skill.  She loves it and is so proud of herself, doing them down the hallway. 

So my little is scooting around really well now!  I don't think she will craw, as her own method is proving to be quiet successful for her!  It is hilarious to watch and she is so happy to be getting around and trying to keep up with her big sister!

Shiloh can be a very intense child.  I have no idea where she gets that from ;-)~ She is so funny the way that she balls her fist up and shakes her whole body.  It's as if she can't stand all the energy the she has that it just has to go somewhere.  She loves to give me these big sloppy kisses with her mouth open.  The other day she did it so intensively that she actually left a little hickey on my chin.  Crazy girl.

Have you read this amazing book yet.  It is awesome and a part of our nightly routine.  Zoe has been captivated by it for over a year now.  She has a great attention span!

Zoe has really been into test every boundary lately, encouraging mom to work on her sanctification process.  She has pushed me to find new creative ways to try to get her to listen.  A great reminder that, yes, she is only two.

Family Christmas time with Beach's family - somebody please remind me to take better pictures during family get togethers!

Any time that it is warm outside in the winter I try to take advantage of it and soak it up.

This day was especially nice, as it fell on a Sunday and Daddy was home!

Zoe's first water color paintings!  I think she enjoyed it!!

Since she got sick in December, Shiloh pretty much won't go to sleep unless I'm right there beside her. This has made things pretty rough for her momma in getting anything done.  Her nap time use to mean my work time....it's been a hard month in that regards.  But the huge bonus is I get to stair at this amazing creature!  

Zoe, on the other hand, enjoys pretend sleeping.  She is a nut, and I love it!

As I have mentioned, money has been tight, as well as Beach and I's time together.  When he heard me mention that I had never been to the Mellow Mushroom, he saved up all his "good behavior points" (OK that is clearly not what they call them but that is basically what they are) and turned them in when he left work so that he could take me there.  He is such a sweet man.

It was a special night indeed with this amazing love. 

Yep, I would say we are starting this year off right!

The Coffee is Brewing

So it has been about a month since the kiosk has been open!  A month of trying to feel our own new grove and be able to pay back some of the money loaned to get this party started.  We have had a pretty good response and are really working on getting the word out.  There are things that need to be tweaked, like our hours and how Beach and I work as a team...but we are getting there.

This is a new space, owning your own business...having to depend on sales coming in to support your livelihood   Well, sort of.  

What brings me hope, and back from my fears is the remembrance of God's faithfulness.  There are times I question, "Is this really going to work?"  Times I think, "I really don't like this.  It is so MUCH work!  I wish the hubby could just work a normal 8-5 job, like he used to and we could have so much time back together as a family (and I could also have help with keeping up the house)."  But then I remember how much he HATED his job and how down he was while working there, as if the life had been sucked out of him.  Not a place you want to live.  I remember all that the Lord has shown us to provide and get this adventure going.  I remember that there is NO PLACE I rather be than in the middle of God's peace and trusting in him, despite how hard it is!  

So I suppose I'm not depending on the daily sales at all but on the creator of the universe....that feels much better!

We have been blessed by a lot of IG and Facebook support.  You can follow me on IG at Bjessa and Beach at lovelandcoffee.  It's also nice to know that people are enjoying the goods!  It is such a blessing for us to be able to reach others in this way, as we just don't have the funds to pay for different advertisements at this point.  And we have been on the news a few times!  What, what....truly how awesome is our God.  Check out these stories:

Loveland Coffee receiving the Gold Spatula award! 

Explaining about our kickstarter funds!

USC did a special for the school 

Oh, and a friend did this funny Commercial that is great and another did a blog giveaway with an amazing Espresso Cookie recipe!  

Up next....Beach is working on putting together a cold brew packaging for the spring (this stuff is amazing!) and some espresso bar wedding catering.  Did I mention we were busy, but in the best kind of way!