The crazy February of 2014

This was the month of more unexpected SC weather, special times with daddy, celebrations and anticipation of the changes next month will bring.

We sure do love Saturday mornings with daddy home....it's just an amazing start to the weekend.

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Cousin Adalyn had her cute 2 year old tea party birthday!

They set up a fun little photo booth area!

And of corse....uncle Aaron got some awesome pictures!

Then we headed to the park down the street.

It was a little intense playing in the cold rain with tired children.

Lucky amazing aunt Lauren was there to pull them around.

She is such a great sport!

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So, potty training....not the funnest thing in the world and not something I planned to attempt with Shiloh until after Ezra is here and she is two.  But in having an older sister that you want to do everything like...she had other ideas...with results.  So when she asks, and the timing is right, I do enjoy changing less poopoo diapers!

On this day, she grabbed the book behind her and started making faces.  Such a ham!

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You gotta watch out, if momma turns her head at grammy's house....you might be in for a treat!

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So my belly is pretty huge and Beach nodded that it can now double as a table.

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Zoe and Beach got to go to their first daddy/daughter dance.....which included little dancing but Beach did get to capture this one pictures.  Other amazing thoughts on the evening can be found on the blog before this!

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So the weather this month has been the craziest yet, weekends full of sunshine, a few weekdays full of snow....I'm not complaining.  After a particularly long weekend, I enjoyed some sabbath time soaking up the sunshine and renewing my soul....before I get to met the newest soul to come!

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 Poor Shiloh has been teething and can often be found comforting herself by biting on her fingers or entire hand....poor thing for weeks now those little bad boys won't come in.

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So cancelled work from the snow meant I could stay up late with the hubby and watch more of the Olympics...glad I can still reach my toes to paint them!

I didn't have too much desire to play out in the snow like I did last month, as the ice is a bit intimidating for this large preggo.  I just don't want to fall and anything to happen to Ezra. 

Zoe kept asking to go out, though, so Beach braved the weather for a bit so that they could get their fix.

I just went to the doors to take pictures of the cuties!

 I really do appreciate this time off, although dread how the company I work for will now take away more holidays in the future this year.  It is, also, hard in that we now have our own business and get hit financially with a big time loss this week.  I just keep reminding myself that God's got us and will take care of us!

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So an updated belly shot.....just a couple days short of being 9 months.  Side note, I'm pretty sure my checks have also never looked so pregnant!

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Although I couldn't get it quite capture in a picture, I went blonde.  Very blonde and it feels like a big change for me.  There was a vendor at an event that we did recently that uses organic hair processing (something that had been holding me up from a dye job for months) so I went for it.....so glad to loose all the dark (at least for a bit).

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Shiloh will do something silly and often tell me to take a picture of her.
Like her string cheese mustache.

She is such a ham and seems to have been that way even at such an early age!

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Life is so busy....I feel that I miss it sometimes.
It struck me, though, one night as a glanced in the reflection in our bedroom.  The babe growing ever so large and how he would be here very soon, hopefully born right here.

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Afternoon snuggles while sister is still asleep are very important!

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Thankful for breaks in the cold while I'm home and can enjoy it...

 silly girls, wild flowers and daddy to go on a walk with!

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Soaking up more snuggles, on this big girls last day of being one!

Ok March....getting ready for ya!

10 years later...V-day Date night

Going out and waiting in line for dinner is not what I would call fun.....but we decided to try to face the crowds anyway.  We hadn't had a date for months, and probably wouldn't get one for a long time with the baby on the way and this just wasn't any Valentines day!  No, this was no ordinary day, this was in celebration of how 10 years ago Beach and I officially started dating (not counting our high school years - see photo from Prom 1997) - more of that in a later post.

In typical Jessica fashion, we had a groupon to a Tapas restaurant downtown that Beach agreed too.....in theory I like the idea of tapas, getting to try a lot of different food items.  We didn't have to wait for a table on a Saturday night (score) and got a nice quiet corner table.  You would think with 40$ on our certificate we get a decent meal.  It tasted good but we both left pretty hungry.  At least I had a great view!

10 years ago we had dessert/coffee at Cafe Strudel.  I loved the older historic home that it was in with unique funky rooms.  They closed the location down, though, and opened one right down the street that I have heard good things about. 

It was packed so we ended up sitting at the bar.  Seeing how they made their coffee drinks was interesting (and disappointing), as I thought of the place as a coffee shop but it a lot of it was just prepackaged.  I suppose true coffee houses are getting fewer and fewer. Makes me appreciate my man's skills and work even more. 

Most of the desserts were already sold out and the ones left were not too thrilling, but we did split a piece of cheesecake.  And when we saw the guy next to us order eating some duck fat fries...we ended up getting those too.  Empty stomach problem solved.  Taking advantage of this whole pregnancy thing just a bit longer, as I treasure my time with my LOVE.

May the next 10 years be just as full and exciting as the last!  I love you Beach!

A Valentines full of frustrations and love in the end

Is it just me....I seem to get caught up in wanting to make things special but feel like I fall so short in so many ways.  I know it goes along with my struggle of not feeling good enough.  There are so many things that I think I want to do, but just can't seem to find the time.  Mix that in with my task oriented nature and OCD about cleaning = big sigh.

Take Valentines day or don't, as I mostly did.  Beach and I are not into the fact that we have to get something/do something for each other, but it does happen on occasion, which is nice....but no pressure either way.  However, when it comes to my girls, I seem to have a hard time, as I want so many things to be special to them.  Perhaps it is because I know Zoe anticipates things so much and gets so excited.  It can be about the smallest thing really and she is pumped.  I do love that about her.  So I feel that it is the least that I can do...to do something! 

This holiday, though, was anything but loving (well it started out that way at least).  When I went in to get Shiloh in the morning, I walked in to see this....PJ's down to her ankles (with a dirty diaper of course), a wipe on her head and many many more on her Pooh bear....I was just thankful that she still had her diaper on!

Zoe busted out in tears in hearing that her daddy was not home.  All out ugly cry!  She had gotten used to him being around more with the snow days!  Poor thing.

I tried to do something holiday like in arranging their cottage cheese (what they have most days for lunch) in a heart shape with fruit.  They seemed pretty happy about it.

We also made daddy a Valentines of sorts and hung hearts on his door of things they loved about him!  (Ignore the odd grammar....I was pretty tired at the time!)

Lack of sleep, teething, many time outs and punishment, frantic search to find my new insurance card then Dr. appointment canceled due to snow and date changes and plans all left to a pretty deflated momma by afternoon. After her nap, Shiloh just wanted to gnaw (due to the teething) on her hand or hold my chin (I'm not sure what that was about).

But I tried not to get tooooo down.  We enjoyed getting out that night to get adjusted (besides the crazy Christmas-like traffic that made a 10 minute drive into an hour) and then cashed in a couple of dinners I won to Zoe's Kitchen!

This little was was so excited to go to her namesake for weeks!  They gave out free cups AND had green tea (that was not sweetened or caffeinated and pink....score) that she loved.  We enjoyed the take out at the Russells for some cousin play time.

I made Zoe a simple card about 19 things I liked about her...and she wanted to hang it on her door, just like we did with daddy's!  So cute!

Top the night off with popcorn, an earthquake and snuggles with this guy and life seems good again!

Crib woes

I wasn't expecting this...at all...and it has crashed my world in many ways.  Boundaries, I love them, thrive on them and know my children do as well.  The crib set up some nice boundaries for sleeping for Shiloh. You sleep here, and that is all.  It took us a long time of establishing this boundary with her, as most of her life this was not the case.  But when it finally happened....this momma felt a bit of freedom.  Freedom to get some things done and freedom to be with my husband more.  As much as I love cuddling my little...it's hard when other parts of my life suffer so.

But this boundary was torn down a couple of months ago when Shi learned she could climb out of her crib.  Bam and she was walking out of her room.  I tried it a couple more times with the same result and knew that we had taken a turn.  I was at a lost.

Zoe slept in her crib until she was three.  I do recognize that this is old but it wasn't an issue that bothered her so I just kept her there until the "wisdom" out there said it was long enough.  She has never gotten out of her bed at night time.  Screamed in her bed if she needs something, yes, but never come into our room to sleep with us since being a baby.

So with my new climber, I was shocked. I can't really reason much with my 1 year old on why she would need to stay in her bed.  What was I to do? I was really at a loss.

At first she didn't even want me to stay in her room to nap, she wouldn't lay down in with me in my bed, she was just angry, very angry it seemed.  But she needed sleep...and so did I.  Slowly nap times evolved with me lying next to her on the floor with her on her mattress.  Then we put the toddler bed in her room, which she wouldn't really sleep in at all at first but gradually came to accept if I was in the room.  As long as she knew someone was there, it seemed to make it okay.  This meant a lot of time of comforting her and I felt my own free time, completely vanish, as I seemed to be with her ALL THE TIME.  I love her dearly but felt suffocated. My anxiety levels in general went really high as I wondered what am I going to do with a little one on the way....this set up was NOT going to work.

I mentioned the lack of sleep I was getting at night (due to Shiloh being in the bed with us, and would drill her head into mine and wanted to use my face as a pillow - why is that comfortable? She also constantly wanted to kiss me...such a little lover) to an amazing godly woman at church that I really respect.  She asked if I wanted some advice....advice, sure I will take any suggestions that one may have.  She talked about setting very clear expectations, with the end goal in mind, and sticking with them, showing Shiloh who is the authority.  So that one day that authority could be passed on to the Lord who it belongs too.  Nothing was surprising to me but somehow it confirmed in my heart what I knew and gave me the motivation and permission to do so.  Even though it would be really hard on us all...really hard.

She screamed, a lot, A LOT, sometimes for an hour at a time in the middle of the night.  Nothing seemed to help or sooth her.  She didn't seem to mind the spankings that I tried (and hated), as long as she could see my presence (so I found out that was not going to work).  How she would melt me when I would go in there and she would just stroke my check, chanting, "Momma."  Man I love this little but I knew I had to stay strong.  She is such an intense lover but I knew for our families sake, it would have to happen.  

So currently she continues to sleep in her room by herself, at times still crying/screaming a lot (but it IS a lot less than before).  The childproof lock on the door, she can, on occasion pick off but it is the only thing that keeps her in there.  She sleeps by the door, on the floor, which I hate.  But her bed is in the room and it is her choice.  I'm not sure how to help her with that one!

I must say that it is so freeing knowing that I can get some more things done at nap time now, that I know I have some guaranteed time with the hubby at night, and a bed to ourselves that I can now snuggle up to him again....well at least for a little while till number 3 comes....I will greatly treasure the time I do have!

The facebook FACADE

I have a love/hate relationship with facebook/instagram.  I've always enjoyed looking at pictures and just seeing a bit about how others do life.  I'm also aware of how deceiving it can appear, snapping certain pictures and of seemingly amazing times, when it can be far from reality.  I love my 10 filter choices to make things look even that much better but let's be real....my life is not always so wonderful.

I love this picture I was able to get of Beach and Zoe.  We were all looking forward to Zoe's first daddy/daughter date.  This girl loves dancing, dressing up and her dates with daddy, so it would be awesome (those high expectations will often came back to bite you!).  I mean it is a cute picture right (at least a lot of people on fb seemed to agree).  

 But what it doesn't show... the fact that we had a very busy weekend and I had to wake Zoe to get her dressed (never a good thing) as she was so worn out... or that she didn't want to put on that dress (or the shoes) and made a huge deal of it (I'm talking not getting out of bed tantrum, the party has already started)...or that she and I were crying and I had to have Beach remove her from my presence...and that at that point, any type of picture was out of the question....all the while Shiloh was screaming/crying in her room and could not be consoled.  It also doesn't show how at the dance, she didn't dance much (although Beach told me she enjoyed picking up the glitter that was on the floor), did not eat any of the dinner but still got some dessert.  And the lemonade...which she told me much about (another special treat). 

So when she came home....we did try again.  The combo of her tired/hyped up sugary self made me very thankful that this was not her norm (as we try to keep the food dyes and sugar intake low), as I pretty sure she would then have some type of diagnosis (and I would have a lot less hair from it being pulled out).  I took many pictures, after threatening/encouraging her to come out from behind the chair that she was randomly behind.  The one above was the only non-blurry, non-cross eyed, daddy doesn't looks exhausted picture. 

I deleted most of them but just for real life proof... I included a couple...to keep me grounded in reality, as surly I'm not the only one that feels this way.  And to remain more transparent and real to those that may have similar struggles!  Got it keep it real.