Walk it out girl!

My baby really isn't so much of a baby now but with all her moving and shaking she really is a toddler....I can't believe it. So sad and so exciting all at once. Tonight she spent many, many, many laps around the kitchen, living room, dinning room area without really even stopping much. Very focused on her work and telling us about it with her babble. This pic was taken a little later but shows her love of walking!

Yet again, I think she is getting another trait of mine. I have a hard time stopping.....hard stopping many things that I'm doing, good and bad. Take working out....years ago I had to limit myself to just 2 hours at the gym at a time (I know that seems like a lot now) or I would just keep going. I would play tennis forever (did I mention I can hardly even hit the ball). The computer games of the past that I just won't start, minesweeper, hearts, beg for "just one more game". Oh, and don't get me started on food! The OC trait is very powerful!

At any rate, I hope that Zoe will be able to focus all that energy in a positive way. Perhaps even being a runner like both

parents were back in the day.

A Long Awaited (Birthday) Date

In that my man's birthday is rolling around again, we used it as a good excuse to go on a date and spend some long awaited time together. Love that so many places give out coupons for your birthday and we think we found one of the best yet!

We made a quick stop for treats and a great sale to spend a gift certificate at Miss Cockey! They have some oh so cute stuff (most of which I can't afford without such a grand deal). We walked away with many goodies and a goodie bag to match!

Our next stop was California Dreaming.....ummmm; haven't been there in years and their salad was just as good as I remember. Guess what, it was prom night for many of the dinners there. I couldn't help but beam as we walked to our table and I watched theses young creatures all made up for their evening. You see that was were my husband took me for our Junior year prom. How long ago was that, hun? Oh, wait 14 years....hummmm maybe I could still pass as prom goer. I couldn't help but wonder if I had known about this beforehand if I wouldn't have thrown on my prom dress from back in the day for dinner, just for kicks. Beach was probably glad that I did not have the opportunity to do so.

For laughs, I included a picture from our scrap book...Me with my hair falling down and Beach looking pretty excited! Prom '07!

By the way, Beach greatly enjoyed his filet mignon (yep they allow you to order WHATEVER you want for your free entire - just make sure you sign up online for their birthday VIP club beforehand). We managed to remember to take a pic before it was all demolished! As good as my salad was, getting towards the end, I found a large hair. Determined not to gag or let it ruin the night, I allowed the server just to send me home with another salad. Walking out, more smiles and glad that we could have two salads and steak for 10 bucks (plus tip).

We had to top it off with birthday ice cream...ummmmm. May I say it's been a long time for such a treat and oh so good! Can't Beach have a birthday more than once a year?!?!?

The Grand Visit

We had Beach's parents visit for a few days all the way from Michigan. Long journey, I know, as we have taken such a few times ourselves. We were thankful that they could come for Zoe's first birthday and see some of the extended family!

Zoe showed off some of her walking skills.

And Grandma, who always seems to have on a fresh coat of bright red lipstick, could not help but shower her in kisses (who could blame her). I like this pic as you can see how her face is in the process of almost getting covered in the red gunk.

We have not been out to eat much at all with Zoe, as she can be a challenge, at times. I hate to have MY screaming baby disturb other dinners. However, we found a trick that worked. Upon visiting the Villa (with some extra coupons from Restaurants.com), a special place to Beach and I as it was our first date, we found a trick that worked with Zoe!

She loves lemons!!! As long as she had one to eat and chew on she was one quiet happy baby!

We were thankful that Beach's mom and dad could make it here for some special time!

Lions and Tigers and....Walking?... oh my!

So we got an awesome gift from my mom of a zoo pass for Zoe's birthday. Zoe LOVES dogs so much that I knew it would be something our whole family could enjoy. With temps in the low 80s it was just perfect for our first trip while Beach's parents were down visiting from MI (where it had snow the day they left).

I loved seeing Zoe's reactions and joy to the day. She appeared to be studding much at these new creatures. I feel I got glimpses of her personality emerging at different points.

When a gorilla came charging down the hill to the window (which seemed to scare the couple of adults that were standing there), Zoe did not appear concerned but continued to want to get closer.

She, also, attempted to pick up the iguana, but luckily there was glass between them.

When in the barn area, Zoe loved watching the goats get feed. Laughing at how close they would get to her face. I think they were her favorite animal.

However, after being carried around for sometime, she demanded to get down. Walking was her greatest joy. She would only want to hold on to one person's finger at a time, two hands were to much and none were to scary. So she walked for well over an hour and I loved every second of it!

"You coming guys?"

A way we go until next time...

Loss - a waterproof mascara kind of week

Loss is a hard thing. This pregnancy had been different since the last in so many ways and for some reason I could not shake the thought of a miscarriage. It wasn't fear, per say, but insight perhaps? As odd as it may sound I do feel that the Lord gives me wisdom about specific things that are going to happen in the future. This clear discernment happening only when He chooses but it does seem so real that when it comes true it is no surprise.

That was the case when we lost our poor little baby this weekend. Hearing its heartbeat at five weeks was amazing but did make it harder. I realize that miscarriages are fairly common but rarely talked about. I need to share, though, to heal and perhaps help any that may need to know upon crossing my path. I was excited about the pregnancy but guarded, though this was never a thought while caring Zoe. The Lord helped to prepare me for what was to come.

What was a shock, though, was the physical pain and messiness of the whole experience. It felt in some ways to a mini birth (very mini when I consider that almost a year ago I was experiencing Zoe's entrance to the world without any drugs). The doctor stated that this was true and it was in many ways. AND the hormones, sometimes hits at random times, the tears flow, the darkness closes in (which is not helped by the dark weather) and I don't want to get out of bed (or sometimes just want to crawl back in). It is a waterproof mascara kind of week for sure. All this mixed with the thoughts of having to plan for my daughter's amazing birthday coming up this week.

I did hate pulling up to the doctor's office and not being able to park in my normal spot, the place where I was so excited to park the week before. I was no longer in that special category.

I do feel that the Lord protected me in so many ways. There are soooo many things to be thankful for in the way that it happened:

1. That I didn't go to the lady's retreat at our church as I had signed up to go and have greatly enjoyed in the past but just did not think I was supposed to do so. (It would have been awful to be so far away and so unprepared.)
2. That this did not happen in the middle of our all day foster care training earlier in the day.
3. That Beach was there, as it was over the weekend, to support me and take care of Zoe.
4. That it didn't happen when my in-laws were visiting for the yearly visit the following weekend.
5. That I wasn't too far along and, thus, did not need a DNC.
6. That I was not really showing so as to be obvious to the world and have to answer a million questions, as my clients and most others had yet to know about the pregnancy.
7. Like all hardships, I feel it gives me another tool to relate to and understand those that may have gone through something similar.
8. That I already have an amazing daughter of my own, that brings me so much joy.

I know our home will have more children, whether they come from my body, foster care, long or short term, we are open to love. Above all, though, I trust in God's sovereignty, in HIS PERFECT timing. In his wisdom. In his Grace. In that, through tears at times, I rest.

Here we go again?

My emotions seemed even more unstable than normal, then there's the tiredness and, oh yes, my favorite, the nausea, all day. I hate being sick and the past couple of months have been not so fun with an ear infection, strep throat twice and the worst stomach virus (thanks to that last one I thought I had finally lost the last of the baby weight). So getting sick again....not happy about this. Yet it wasn't going away, and when I finished the last round of antibiotics that stated a side effect could cause nausea, I knew it had to be more.

You don't have to have known me long to know that I'm really thrifty, to put it nicely. I have paid for a couple of pregnancy test and when they turned out negative I get frustrated that I would waste money on such. With my body just now starting to regulate itself, I waited a few more days. And today was the day, again. But today had a different result.

I was so excited to find I was pregnant, again! I could hardly stand it until Beach could come home and I could tell him in person. I danced and ran around the house. My tired body was not allowed to take a nap as my mind and insides seemed to be going crazy. I didn't expect to get this excited, as it wasn't the first time, yet I am. My heart beats fast to even write this now. I plugged in the numbers in the computer and found a guesstament for my due date to be October 19th. I can't wait to go to the doctor to see what they say. Part of me loves the way things are right now and is scared of more responsibility and what this means for our household. Yet that small small part is completely overridden by the joy that fills my heart. Now that the parents know, we must consider how and when to share this news with others. Thank you Jesus for this precious blessing!

February Day on the Lake

I love that I live here in the warm south. As we were eating breakfast on Saturday morning my mother-in-law called. She was not to thrilled, to say the least, of their latest snow fall, several inches (and the worst part of snow in MI, the sun seems to disappear all winter!). Needless to say she was shocked to hear of our plans for the day...

My mom was kind enough to watch Zoe for a few hours while we headed out with some friends to celebrate Joey's birthday. Lake Murray here we come. With a boat full of food and drinks and warm sun to guide the way, we were off. Despite the slight chill in the air we all had a great time. Even stopping at an island for a quick bathroom, exploring, picture break. How it made me even more excited for the summer and swimming time that is even closer! How I love our warm Carolina winter days! Perhaps next time we will rent the boat with a slide!

Birthday Boy Captain

Beach hands over the camera

Exploring an island

And luckily no snakes were to be found!