Bring in the Spring - March is here

This has been a busy month!  Filled with lots of ups and downs, scares, close calls, brokenness and celebration!

 Our little turned one!  Beach's sweet grandmother from MI sent her a gift....she just loves books, and it is special to have her own toy (as most of her things are hand me downs from her sister).

Speaking of Shiloh's birthday....I was going through the many pictures that we took for the occasion and realized that I left out several that I really like.  So here ya go...

 Her first sugar had to be very much encouraged! 

 Thanks Grammy for making the yummy cake!

The men were awesome in giving the girls rides in circles! 

Zoe had her share of fun, too!!!

 She loves her aunt Lauren (and her inability to tell her no   :-)

I love that Zoe loves to run and dance so much, full of life she is!

That night we opened gifts where it was a bit warmer.  Danielle was so kind in sharing her birthday with Shiloh!

Clearly I have become a bit more laid back in my parenting.  Shiloh's face was a mess but happy like usual!

Now to the rest of March...

One evening, I was at a doTerra meeting when I got a panicked call from Beach.  Come now, Zoe has been really hurt.  I kept telling myself not to panic until I knew what had happened for sure.  I instructed Beach to meet us at the ER as I prayed and breathed my way there to meet him.  

I came in to see him in fright covered in blood.  Upon seeing me, Zoe burst into tears but was comforted by her mother's long embrace.  She had fallen into the TV cabinet and gotten a deep gash in her chin.  We waited in the ER way past her bed time and she seemed in shock.  She held her hands this way almost the entire time; I thought that there was something wrong with them, at first. 

Fortunately the Doctor who saw us was gentle and explained things in detail, only some strong tape would be needed.  However, it was so hard to hold my fragile baby down, as she was crying through the process for not understanding the pain it was causing her.  "I know the tape not supposed to come off for a few days, but what happens if it does?"  I remember asking.  Do nothing.  Well that is easy, and of course that is exactly what happened.  Now, though, I know I have some essential oils that I can use so we won't have to go to the ER if something like this happens again and they will help her to heal better. 

Beach was even more shaken up by the ordeal.  Seeing so much blood. An innocent fall.  Pain and confusion.  A strong reminder of how little control we have over these precious life's that we have been entrusted.  

I stayed home the following day from work to care for her and thankful that I did.  Poor thing was really out of it for the whole day.  It's amazing how such can really affect you.....I was glad that I could be the one to hold her!

On a happier note we were able to take Zoe to the circus a couple of days later. 

 I bought the tickets a month in advance with a great coupon and was ecstatic go!  

Of course Zoe still does not like her picture taken. 

So Beach and I just took our own. 

 Zoe did well, overall, besides wanting to lay down on the floor during intermission....not sure what that was about.  

 We, also, got to go over to Zoe's old baby sitter, Holly's, house one night.  Theses kids used to be best buds last year, as they spent so much time together!

 To say that they enjoyed decorating cookies would be an understatement!

Holly had a baby a few months behind Shiloh and they enjoyed some playtime as well!

Guess who got her first tooth!  Slowly but surely Shiloh's top little snaggletooth has begun to appear!

 Sometimes Zoe insists on sitting in a high chair like Shiloh does.  She, also, still insist on being called Baby Zoe repeatedly throughout the day.  Hoping that will die down soon.
We love eggs and enjoy them every morning   This pic captures a common habit of Zoe's that cannot be redirected!

I love that the weather is warming up...more time outside!

Does this momma heart good, and her littles as well!

 Little Shiloh still insists on lots of snuggle time at night, and sometimes will allow daddy to do so, too.  

 On the business end, things seem to be going well....almost paid off all our starting costs!  What a relief and blessing (our savings was only going to go so far).  Zoe loves to visit her daddy at work, especially when she gets to go in the kiosk.  I don't mind being served by such a pretty little thing either!

The town of Irmo had it's first wine testing and Loveland Coffee got to be a vendor.  It was such a fun night and I am thankful that I got to be a part of it with my hot man!

In great anticipation, with some anxiety about being away from the girls thrown in, and looking forward to some time of fellowship and growth, I was able to go to our women's conference this year.  

It has been a few years since I've gotten to go (and prob. won't be able to go next year).  Off to the NC mountains it is...had this to fill my belly on the way there!

I could write at length of our time there.  The theme was control, probably the issue I battle with the most.  The speaker was amazing.  I was broken, repeatedly   So much so that I could not stop my tears during one break out session. Sitting across from an amazing women that lost one of her children to SIDS, my mind could not stop racing from the thought of loosing one of my babes.  I have no control of keeping them completely safe!

I believe God is sovereign, believe it with all my being.  But sometimes I struggle with believing that He is good.  He has done nothing in my life to show me anything but his goodness, but there is so much evil out there.  So much heartache in the world that I know I'm not protected from it.  I know that things could happen, and God would still take care of me.  But it's scary, the thought of having to fall to learn to soar.  Lord continue to teach me how to be that trusting eagle!

I was able to meet many new women and even got to go hiking with some of them (and take some funny pics for a scavenger hunt - yes I found snow).  

I HATE heights but I climbed this tower at the end of our hike.  It was windy and the tower responded by swaying back and forth and it's many floors appeared unstable.  But I did it, reminding myself all the way that He is with me, no matter how scary the journey may be.  

The end was worth it, the view amazing, an awesome reminder of the Lord's beauty, power, sovereignty and goodness.

The loss of babyhood and celebration of life

Do you ever have moments where you just know things have changed.  I've had many of those recently in looking at my baby.  Looking at her and realizing that she is not that anymore. 

And then it was here, her birthday.  I've had mixed feelings about birthdays in the past.  With this being her first I wanted to break from the traditional party to celebrating her life and remembering her birth itself.  

I still think her birth story is pretty awesome, and I would totally do it the same way again (if I could guarantee that I would not have the baby in the car on the way to the hospital).  So on her birthday, we went to the lake that I walked round and round while in labor.  We being me, the girls and my mom (who was not working that day - poor Beach was, though, so he couldn't come).

A bit cooler than the year before, but the sun shinned and warmed me from the inside out.  I just loved spending some quality time, reminiscing about the places I had to squat out a contraction and the log that we would spot the turtles.

Last year, I knew it was a last harooahhh of eating before birth and there was a Wendy's right off the trail.  So we stopped for a frosty and a fry (note this is something that never happens).   I had to re-live this part as well, of course, and Zoe very much enjoyed her "special treat."  We even saved some for daddy, too, so he could have a piece of the day.  The cold weather got to Zoe, though, and she was shivering  as she ate, and loving every second. 

As a side note, I totally almost fell in the lake off this lovely bridge thing.  Really, the only thing that saved my tripping self was a very old piece of wood that held all my body weight from going over.  This would not have made for a happy momma...but perhaps for a better story. 

It was a great afternoon.  

The following day, while it was snowing in the upstate, we headed to the park for a picnic.  I debated all day whether it was worth the chance of the weather holding off, and not freezing to death (causing me much anxiety ...how I hate this about me).  In the end Beach said we were going, since he knew I would be sad, as there was no "plan B".

So we walked, huddled together with our picnic and had cake.  My mom graciously made a homemade one.  Shiloh's first taste of sugar, yet she wasn't a huge fan...Yahhh for that.  Zoe, on the other hand, very much looks forward to birthdays for this very reason.

The highlight for our little Shi was getting to ride in the wagon her uncle brought.  She loved it!

This little bundle of true joy.  How I am blessed this year to have her in my life.  How she is a blessing to others, some that even have to stop me from across the grocery store for the big smile that she gives them.  For the great big hugs and kisses and snuggles that I treasure and melt in.  For the way that she loves to dance, even if she can't stand yet but waves her hands wildly as her sister jumps around her.  For how she adores her sister and can't seem to get enough.  I love you my precious sweet gift of God.  May your light always shine so bright!

Love is in the air!

The happenings of February. 

So, slowly but surely our little Zoe, who is almost three is getting hair!  Beach likes to try to brush the hair that she does have, which she doesn't appreciate....it has a life of its own....cute little thing!

I was amazed that Zoe even had enough hair for a bath mohawk!  This must be some sign of accomplishment (even if the photo doesn't show it well).  

Shiloh LOVES the bath and Zoe tolerates her being there as long as she is not splashing (which she always is  :-).

The only place I like to shop with the girls is Publix....where this is a major reason.  Zoe always wants "the driver one" and we are all very disappointed if one is not available.  What a great thing for them both to be able to sit next to each other and pretend to drive...and there is enough room for my groceries!    

Shiloh has now mastered the scoot....she is crazy fast and hilarious to watch her do it!

Shiloh, also, now gives the best hugs and kisses.  It warms a mommy's heart when they start to show love back and initiating in this way!

Her mood can also change rather rapidly, so watch out!

Shiloh is, also, doing well with signing back, which helps big time in the communication process.

Beach got up really early on Valentines day to make me this amazing breakfast.  He is such a servant and so thoughtful. I used to get one every morning but with him now having to be at the kiosk so early, some things have had to change.  I was thankful to this throwback morning though!

The girls' sitter made heart cookies for the holiday with Zoe.  This is the way to her heart, that is for sure!  This sugar deprived girl was very excited! 

This picture captures Zoe's favorite activity "Little People!"  She adores them and will often ask if we will play little people with her.

Did you catch that adorable dress.  My mom made them for all the girls for Valentines day.  Yes they (and she) are pretty AMAZING!

And so is getting them to all sit still....Thanks Uncle Aaron!  Special Treat!

Can I Listen to Your HEART?

Being present.  A constant struggle and something I'm working on.  I do it so much when I'm at work its like my body wants a break or something when I get home.  So I have to remind myself about it often, as I feel that there have been so many missed moments with my family (and even myself for that matter).

The Hands Free Mama blog is an awesome way that brings me back in and she recently had an entry about doing a heart check.  I have been implementing it with Zoe lately each night (after our ritual of rocking, singing, praying and talking), to put my ear up to her little chest and to pause and reflect.  This little life that I have been given the humongous blessing of being able to nurture and grow. This, this little life that I one day will not be able to listen to the way that I do now.  That one day will need her space. This little life that so fragile.  That heart beats so strong and quick.  

Zoe will listen to my heart as well.  Just sit there for a few moments, focusing on this new sound.  When she sits up, she asks if it has turned off. I try to explain to her, not yet.  I want to promise her that it won't be for a very long long time.  I want to, but I can't, for it is not my promise to make.  It reminds me of the finiteness of life.  How we can't take things for granted.  How no matter how tightly we hold on to something, it can never be tight enough to keep it.  It often brings tears to my eyes, my little ones heart beat.  The junk and lists of the day fade and her breath is all that matters.  

I love them and I am blessed.  May I remember to slow down, to listen, to hear, to connect, to love in this moment, while I have it and not look back and wish I had.  

100! How did that happen!

I've been hearing about 100 days of school lately, when I saw my own 100.  

This is my 100th blog post!  How in the world?  I really didn't think I had written that much at all (especially recently).  Considering before I had kids I did not even know anything about this whole blogging world, and now here I am.

I always have in the back of my mind my future goal with this little project.  First, for me to remember the adventure, as I have the WORST long term memory, but the pictures and my own words will be proof to me.  AND I want to get the blog made into a book (or several at this rate).  My father-in-law gave me the great idea that I should make one for each of the girls, as well.  And Lord willing, that is just what I will do.  What a precious keep sake for them and a way to pass on our heritage of sorts (but probably more skewed to show the pleasant side of things).  

I've always thought LEGACY would be an awesome name for one of our babes.  Beach gives me the crazy look when I suggest it (each time).  But I like the idea of the word, leaving your mark.  I hope that is what this will be in some ways for our LOVELAND family.