Costuming up some fun for this season

Recently the time with the girls has been rough.  I'm not sure what it is between teething and not getting enough sleep, but the whiny, crank level has been way high.  The time outs have over flowed, along with the tears from all the girls (it does not help that my hormones are working against me - more like sobs than tears at times).

So to try to combat this we have participated in some of the recent fall activities.  Quite the opposite from my change of perspective from last year.  But I wanted to try to fight the urge to just chalk up this time, wishing the days away, and try to create some positive memories. 

I asked my mom if she wanted to make Zoe a costume, since they both love her work.  Of course she did, but she ran out of time and found this little number. Zoe couldn't have been any more ecstatic to be Tinker Bell, just as I had been one year as a child. (That picture will not be included, as I had chickenpoxs at the time.)  She was a little disappointed that she could not fly, though.

My little giraffe got a lot of attention and it was funny to see how it seemed to change her personality.  Beach found this treasure for 25 cents at a garage sale a couple years ago, a great investment! Shiloh screamed when I put it on her the first time at the house, but seemed to embrace it in the cold weather.  I'm sure her hearing and sight were hindered. 

The kind boy across from us on the hay ride offered to take our picture (after seeing me attempt to do so several times - I'm sure I looked pretty special).

Another day we went to this random festival in the middle of no where Lexington.  I definitely should have checked Mapquest before heading out as it was in the opposite direction of where we needed to go afterwards (and we were quite late).  BUT the girls got to ride a horse for the first time!  After going around the circle once, Zoe announced, "I'm done," in her very Zoe fashion.  So I threw Shiloh up there and walked next to her for a couple more loops, which she seemed to enjoy.  

Our church had a chili cook off that Beach and a friend worked hard to enter.  I wasn't able to attend, as it right was in the middle of nap time but Zoe came home with a cutie face and they had a great time. 

My parents church had a small trunk or treat, so in that it was excuse to wear the costumes again off we went.  Horrible lighting for pictures and squirmy littles, left little prof, but I tried.  I wanted to capture Adayln there with Shiloh and this was the best I could do! 

We visited the neighbors again and caught up with where we seemed to leave off last year.  I wish there was a way to make more connections with them...but we did try to stop and chat at each house.

We explained to Zoe that we were going to send most of the candy "to the soldiers".  (A local dentist will send it out to the troops- isn't that awesome.)  She did not like this idea, at first, in that she relates the word solders to the Roman Soldiers that killed Jesus.  But after explaining and talking it through a few more times, as she held my hand walking on our pretty dark street tonight, she noted that the soldiers were her friends.  I'm glad she is grasping the concept a bit more, as I want to help her cultivate a giving heart.  By explaining that there are soldiers helping to keep us safe that do not get to go to festivals or trick-er-treating, so to share the love with them, is a good start.  Don't worry, they did get a couple of pieces themselves.

Broken

Broken.  I have been thinking about this word all too much this weekend.  It started on Friday morning when, during breakfast, I was reading some of the Jesus Storybook Bible to the girls.  We were discussing about Adam and Eve and the fall when the story addressed how the whole earth and everything in it was broken. So we talked about it, brokenness, on a three-year-old level.

 
Zoe looked out the back window and asked if everything outside would break, and when I tried to explain that it would, her sensitive heart tore into this utter despair and tears began falling.  I wasn't expecting that.  I wanted to say, "no it was fine, it was all good, you are completely safe," but my own too knowing heart couldn't.  Even at her young age, I don't want this western world haze to gloss completely over the fact that our world is hard, it is broken, you don't know when and what things will change. Even if it meant having the long drawn out conversations.  She needs to know of her need of the Savior.

We set off in the car for a play date that morning and, of course, her mind kept going and she kept questioning.  We talked about how Heaven was not broken and amazing.  How her GG lived there.  How if you loved Jesus you would be there one day, with no more sadness.  She repeatedly talked about how she wanted to go there, how she wanted to go now.  The momma tears flowed, despite me wanting to dam them up while driving, at the thought of losing her now.  I wanted (and continue to want) to tell myself that no, this will not happen, we are fine, it's all good, you are completely safe with me, but my own too knowing heart couldn't.  There are no guarantees.  This life (and hers) is a vapor and there is nothing I can do to change when she will be called to the loving arms of Jesus that she loves so much.

A reminder in my own Bible study that day, talking about the brokenness but about how Jesus is with us.  John 16:33 reads:
 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
We will have trouble.  He knows it and warns us.  But more than that we have Him, to be with us, to comfort, to heal.  No matter what the brokenness looks like.

Then the sad news hit like a ton a bricks that night.  A young amazing leader in our church died suddenly while playing ultimate Frisbee.  No warnings, just stepped into eternity.  No doubt he is with the Lord that he loves so much.  But he left behind a wife and three boys under five (one of which was adopted from Africa).  She is around my age, a widow, completely unexpected.  My heart cannot wrap around the fact that these boys will not have an earthly father.  I think of my girls, how they just wouldn't understand why daddy was not around anymore.  How painful it would be to have to tell them over and over again where he was. How my own heart would ache from a love loss without getting to say goodbye.  Tears could not be stopped from Beach and I all weekend.  Things break, we see it coming sometimes, sometimes we may even be able to fix things, but we can't stop it. But we have a hope and a Savior, who has overcome the world who is bigger than anything we may face.

May I rest in that.  May I pray for this hope for this hurting family. May I be able to stress it to my children through the years. As much as I want to tell them everything will be fine, it may not be at times, BUT God, He is with us and has overcome.

PS - If you would like to show support for the grieving family of Carla and her sons (Charlie, Israel, and Meyer), consider making a donation to the Gerlach Memorial Fund.  You can click here to donate online and just note it is for the Gerlach Memorial Fund.

Falling into September

So the struggle of the first trimester is still in full swing.  Laying down and not doing anything = depression for this lady.  I know it's not good but it's so hard when it's the only thing I feel that my body will let me do. However, when our friends asked us if we would like to spend some time on an easy kayak trip down the river, that sounded doable and just what I needed. 

We did have a great time and I love seeing what our Creator has done from a different view!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm, also trying to squeeze some outdoor play in with the girls whenever I can.

They love the snacks that often accompany us! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In coffee news: the Free Times did a write up of the Loveland Coffee concentrate for the paper.  It was an unexpected exciting surprise!

Fall time = Pumpkin Spice Latte.  You can't tell me that doesn't look good!

I got to accompany my man for a job with the wedding coffee catering end of things.  In that it was a smaller wedding, it was fun getting to hang out with him (and enjoy their food!).

Beach was very excited that our local brewery combined some of the cold concentrate into a beer.  It was a hit and something that they plan on continuing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We went to a birthday for Zoe's friend!  Her mom, my sweet friend Rene, hosted the event at her house.

Rene Brigman Photography captures such sweet moments and has a growing photography business!

In other news, Zoe is awesome at Pin the ring on Minnie - nailed it!

And Shi can rock it out!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zoe loves to talk, especially in the car and is always asking "why".  Ms Inquisitive.  One night when I was fighting a bad headache I asked her to be quiet for awhile.  Her response, "But I love you so much, I just want to talk to you."  Ok, melt me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have been spending a lot of time in the backyard.  I grew up outside in Florida year round, so I love to see them explore our yard the way I remember doing as a child.  

Lunch outside means they can eat and roam, always a plus (if we have plenty of time).

I enjoy hearing Shiloh becoming a little parrot.  She is starting to talk a lot more.  She really does well with singing and it surprise me how much she knows!

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We often enjoy a large bowl of popcorn Dad makes on the whirley pop.  Coconut oil is the best!  Sometimes the kids get to join in as well.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Greek Festival!

Full of yummy food and much dancing. 

We shared a special treat of Baklava ice cream.  Do you know the people do not even eat Baklava in Greece this time of year.  They just consider it a winter dessert. 

Yahhhh, so Daddy being home on Saturdays means more fun for all.  I still just really appreciate it more than I ever have.

Four years ago, at this time, we were in Greece and it was enjoyable thinking back to such memories.

I was pregnant with Zoe (part of the reason we wanted a Greek name for her) back then.  Then it was hard to imagine how different our life would be be now (and it's currently hard to think of how different it will be four years from now).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had fun visiting with some friends we hadn't gotten to see in awhile.

Zoe enjoyed having two cups of coffee (decaf - don't worry) and just fit right in.  

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zoe has developed a new love for some of her dress up clothes and enjoys wearing them wherever she can.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okra Strut Parade, and the fam camped out in front of the kiosk.

Zoe was very excited that people would pass her special treats (and was mostly focused on such).  She even got to eat one.

Beach had a lot of great business, as the kiosk was on the parade route on a cooler September morning.  He had Loveland Coffee corn hole boards made that visitors could play.

Daddy got to sneak out of the kiosk a couple of times to sit with his girls. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel very blessed to live on a golf course and the view it provides.  One night we went on a walk and Zoe enjoyed running all around on the endless greens.

Luckily the end of the month showed some promise in the momma health department.  I have begun to see some hope on the horizon after just entering the second trimester.  Hopefully some time to enjoy our current family unit before all the new changes come.

The problem with not needing help when you really do.

I hate needing, feeling helpless, dependent.  I must rather suck it up and just get it done myself.  Push through.  Work harder.  (Of course this does not count my amazingly supportive husband.  I seem to have no problem asking him.)  

This season, though, the one where my body is forming life, this season, I've been spent.  Wiped.  Down.  Day after day.  It doesn't matter how much rest I try to get, I wake up and still feel run over by a truck most days. I just can't seem to push through. I don't want to move.  As my arms turn to flub (and the rest of my body for that matter), my many emails and responsibilities go unanswered and my children get just the bare basics (sometimes with a not so nice tone or with me passed out again on the sofa, hopeful they don't injure themselves). 

I hate asking for help, especially when those closest to you turn you down.  When you feel like you (and your husband that works mighty too hard for our family and others) are on your last leg and others don't want to do anything that may inconvenience them.  I pretend that it doesn't pierce my soul.  That I'm not shocked.  And I try not to ask again.  Don't want to be rejected. 

But then it begs to be asked: How many times do I offer to help others when it's an inconvenience to me?  Sure they may not have asked....but does it matter....does it really mean that they don't need something!  Most of the time I just pushing through my own stuff that I don't even see it.  But I need to see it.  I need to help.  Lord, help me see.  Help me to want to help.  Help me not to be afraid about how it will make my own life harder.  Help me to see how doing what you have called me to is The Most IMPORTANT thing.  And, please, give me the strength to do it...especially at this time.

Friday the 13th (otherwise known as my birthday)

I have had major issues about birthdays since my youth.  But since BIRTHing children myself, I've tried to approach things differently.  Today I planned to not have pressure for anything.  To just enjoy my time with my girls and then with my family.  Mission accomplished.  I had a great one and feel well loved. Having low expectations sure is nice.

Back in the day I was spoiled with Beach making me breakfast every morning.  Since the coffee business rolled around, though, that just isn't doable.  But today he woke up extra early just to whip up one of his masterpieces for me!

I haven't wanted coffee since being pregnant (I know, a good thing).  But it means I can't take advantage of the best perk of our business and something I used to really treasure.  However, this day I decided a little caffeine in the form of a pumpkin spiced latte would be an exception.  

I was fully awake for the afternoon and actually felt more like my old self, a treat within itself.  It's the little things!

 If you know me, you know that I'm a sucker for a good deal.  So the girls and I hit up Firehouse Subs for my free sandwich and took it to Irmo park.  How cute is it that they, also, giveaway these hats too.  (I may have hit up another Firehouse later in the day to save for lunch for tomorrow ;-)

I love their expressions.

And the joy that they have for one another.  We have talked about how Shiloh is Zoe's BFF since she has been born.  A few days ago she listed many of her friends and at the end she noted that Shiloh was her best friend, her BFF.  May it always be girls!  One reason I love that they are only a couple of years apart.  They truly do get along well most of the time.

Later that night my mom made us a fabulous dinner, full of cheesy goodness - which this preggo craves - and topped off with a pumpkin cheesecake. What else could there be to wish for with a heart so full.

May I never forget the blessing I have in my family and to cherish them the way that they deserve.  Here is to another great full year!

Another baby Loveland - 3 months down!

We have always wanted more children, and as I see it, I thought we should just go ahead and have them when we can since I'm not getting any younger!  I don't want to be in my 40's having children, that's fine if others do, but just doesn't feel like a good fit.  However, with nursing, it prolongs things (as in ovulation).  I can't say that I mind to much as the thought of having littles so close together is somewhat intimidating to me.  I'm not sure how others handle it but perhaps their children aren't as high maintenance as mine?

So baby #3 is on his/her way to debut in mid March.  Our second shot and there it was.  Confession: I have kept taking pregnancy tests for a few months now, just because I couldn't believe I had a 14 month old and I had yet to get my period (sorry if that is TMI for ya).  I decided to take another test before the girls and I left for Florida mid July, as it was a possibility.  I had been let down before and I thought that this was not any different.  Yet after a couple of minutes, things began to change.  The other line appeared.  It was faint, though, which threw me off.  When I tried to explain it to Beach, he was excited but yet also confused.  Perhaps I shouldn't have said, "I think I'm sorta pregnant." How can you be sorta pregnant?  But in that I know you cannot have a false positive, this just had to be it!  It just must be early on in the process.  So it took a bit to sink in for the both of us.

It was fun to be able to share the news with my family in Florida in person.  And my aunt even had the wisdom to have me video record telling my Grammy, something I will always cherish!
Towards the end of our week long trip it had really sunk in.  I started feeling pretty weak and faintish.  A couple weeks later, in came the nausea and major fatigue.  I remember feeling really sick with the girls (all day) but this achy, weak, flu like symptoms, this was new.  And I hated it.  It seems like during this phase of things I want to turn back.  I ask myself what I was thinking?  Is this really worth it? (I mean I know it is but to feel sick all the time....so hard.)  I realized that I was also struggling with some depression, in a different form than in the past.  I wasn't as much sad, as I had no motivation and really didn't want to get out of bed.  I had to work and take care of the girls, which as hard as it was, was probably a really good thing!  Although much of my time is me finding ways to occupy them while I lay down (talk about mom guilt).

So, I've been off coffee now for a few weeks.  Not so much because that would be best for me and the baby, but because it has repulsed me.  Great, the best perk to owning a coffee drive through and I want nothing to do with it.  :-)

So this time, after practically having Shiloh at home/car/in the triage room at the hospital, we decided to have a home birth.  I NEVER thought I would do this before, but I've come a long way in a couple of years.  When my chiropractor shared how she really loved her mid-wife and her process, I was sold.  And I have loved the mid-wife so far.  The whole process is so different and more comfortable.  She spends a ton of time with us at our house.  When I hadn't even met her yet and was having an issue, she was quick to call me back to talk about it and brainstorm some solutions at length.  So much better than just telling me to rest and/or giving me some meds (that I wouldn't want to take).

A hard part is, though, that we had yet to hear a heart beat on the Doppler (Usually if you go into to see a Dr. they can see it on the ultrasound - we saw such at 6 weeks with the girls).  Normal, but hearing it is so so reassuring.  When I was almost 13 weeks she came and still couldn't find it.  My heart sunk but I tried to assure myself that it would just happen soon.  However, after poking around some more, there it was, the little Loveland.  It brought tears to my eyes (which surprised me) but it was such a relief.  I KNEW I was pregnant but such a comfort. 

I'm looking forward to things turning around now that I made it to the second trimester!  I hate wishing the days away, as I find myself doing when in such a dark and depressing state. Beach, as well, can't wait for happier days, as he has done so much for me and is always willing and wanting me to rest.  Man, I'm blessed by him.  He says he can't wait till I feel better because he misses my smile.  It's coming, it's coming!