Christmas in Black Mountain (and the hard stuff) - Part I

For Christmas this year we did something really different.  My parents and aunt's family rented a large home in NC for us all to stay for a week.

  It was odd not having the "traditional traditions" but we had some fun memories. 

The house didn't have any decorations, so we all went to a Christmas tree farm and found our own.

It was a bit misty/rainy but everyone was a good sport about it.

We even got pulled in a tractor further into the farm to pick out our tree.

Beautiful scenery with many animals along the way.

And when we got there, it started really raining....so some of us ran for shelter.

And watched our tree get chosen.

The way back provided many laughs and entertainment, as we attempted to stay as dry as possible.

Luckily my uncle had trash bags in his car to help us stay a little drier.

I was glad the girls didn't seem to mind getting a little wet!  This is very unusual for Zoe.

Then we all watched my cousin, Michelle, do her magic in decorating the tree!

And Zoe got an introduction on how to play on an Ipad!

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The rain continued for the next couple of days....and then it got colder....just not the right combo for the snow that was hoped for.

I brought all our advent crafts we had yet to do to continue there, and hopefully catch up.  We started out strong but Zoe lost interest later in the week when there were so many playmates.

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One night we went to see the candlelight tour at the Biltmore.  Most of our group had never been.

I was nervous about how the girls would do. But they did well overall all.

 Driving up Zoe was very excited to go to a castle!

The live choir memorized her but she never found the princess that she was looking for.

I really hated that you were not supposed to take pictures, but I snuck in a few anyway....I've always been really bad at abiding that rule!

Shiloh started not feeling well that day, so only walked briefly and wanted her preggo momma to carry her most of the way.

The place really is magical in many ways!

Once we got home we had to have some snuggle time to recoup from all that rain!

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We had some really rough nights with Shiloh, crying for hours, fighting any type of comfort and then falling asleep in our arms later in the day.  Poor thing was fighting something hard core, and wore this momma out (more emotionally more anything).  I was thankful I brought all my essential oils with me to help her get better faster.

This little girl sure does love her Poppy!

And is full of expressions and silliness.

Love this picture captured by Aarron.  Zoe has been into hide and seek lately!

Don't know what I would do without this amazing women!

Sweet Russell girls.

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One afternoon we will able to escape, thanks to my momma, to the big old city of Black Mountain and enjoyed some local coffee.  It's always fun to continue to dream with my man about what our future may hold in this coffee world.

We have had very little time without children lately, little time to talk, to connect, to be....so it was very nice.

Danielle and Aaron joined us for a bit too.

 
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More of taking care of the little tired sickie when we got home.

Baby Lydia got much holding in as well!

My little runner sister encouraged me to take a walk with her in the neighborhood where we were staying.  And when I say walk, I mean walk up a steep climb to the top of the mountain.  I enjoyed it and the view but not so much the part where I was panting the whole way up.  Another fun thing about pregnancy!

She is so cute....even when she doesn't want me to take her picture  :-)
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Lots of time in a house of little toys lead to lots of reading!

Luckily there were many volunteers.

And cookie makers.

The girls enjoyed watching the fire that Uncle Walt made outside...to bad it was way too cold to get a closer look!

A group puzzle enjoyed by most.

And playtime.

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So many more pics...that needed to make a part II to come....

Big and just getting bigger!

Pregnancy is hard, in many ways, but especially how it causes me to focus so much on my body.  It so hard not to when you seem to change more and more everyday.  When yet another item of clothing doesn't fit (it's especially bad if it is a piece of maternity clothes), when you just can't sit, move, get up as easily as you used to (ok, lets be real, its at a point where it's just a struggle to do much), when your kids beg for you to hold them while standing up (why is that....sitting down is so much nicer) and you know that your back just can't handle it - it's just so present - I'm not the same.

I've always struggled with body issues and certain periods of my life have been harder than others.  I remember when I was young feeling so ugly that I just wished I could look average. I just didn't understand, I was not asking for pretty, just average.  Feeling desperate about it.  This was a thought that rolled endlessly in my mind as I compared myself to my classmates.

I can't say I really recall when this particular self-defeating mantra ended, maybe somewhere after the braces came off.  The struggles were still there, the exercise bulimia, the not good enough, the seasons of my life when all I could think about was how heavy I was.  The thing that got to me the most, though, was the KNOWING that these things did not matter!  Not matter compared to most things; Not in eternity's perspective.  I hated that it drove my thoughts and emotions regardless.

The Lord has done some work in my life in this area, for sure.  Even after the birth of Shiloh I came to really appreciate how amazing my body is (well every woman for that matter).  However, it's hard, how quick the mind can forget.  When I feel/am as big now as I was towards the end of the other pregnancies. When I'm not holding the newborn that the Lord had created in my womb.

So here I am, 26 weeks, with oh so many to go.  Full disclosure....I do like this picture.  But in no way do I feel that it captures my size/feelings.  Beach even said that the picture makes me look small, as he explained that without a shirt you see the hugeness of it all (totally agree with him on this).  My ego is definitely not strong enough to post what I normally look like when just hanging out at home (with no make-up, yoga pants, crazy hair).  I wonder how that could even be the same person.

So I feel the need to explain that, as I'm sure that there are many people out there that think like me and see social media and judge themselves in comparison to it.  And if this is not something that you struggle with, you must tell your secret.  What this picture, also, doesn't show is how shortly after I had to change my pants, as the ones I was wearing were just too tight (and yes they were maternity), how my make-up melted as I balled in a melt down with dealing with the kids and how I wondered how in the world I was going to handle another child.
So preggo self, please try to remember what is important, how you are creating a new life, how your earthly temple may never be the same but the blessings you receive in your children could never compare.

Making it meaningful with Advent

My heart is to have a Christmas that really means something.  Something beyond me, our family and gifts.  To install in my children a proper perspective from the beginning.  

At this point, the girls know nothing of Santa or even associate Christmas with getting presents.  We will still give them a few small things, but this year we started something new.

I took this advent ring and joined it with a children's daily advent story/activity book that my mother gave me.  I've haven't been the best at making many crafts with the girls, as I would have liked.  So this gave me a challenge to do something meaningful with Zoe everyday. 

We both enjoyed it and she was excited to see what each new day held.  

I love that she is at an age where she can really grasp things and it made CHRISTmas that much more meaningful.

Shiloh even got to get in on some of the action.

Since we spent Christmas in the mountains....we brought up the remaining activities there.

We hung them up this year but I got a little tree for the girls to have in their room next year where they can display all their treasure!

It was a lot of work, preparing all of the crafts each day.  But it is something that I want to continue to do with them in the years to come!  It was so precious watching Zoe reenact the Christmas story with the crafts that she had made!

The entertainment of darkness

Beach and I were able to go out on a date to the movies, complete with popcorn (I let Beach talk me into a large - big mistake)! We had been holding on to a gift card for almost a year and had not been able to cash it in till now.  I think the last time we went to a movie was when I was pregnant with Zoe, yes, four years ago.

I was excited to be there with my man, but a different feeling came over me once the previews began.  A complete and utter heartbreak.  The preview was for a movie that seemed to be geared towards teen/young adults and it was so sexualized and dark.  At least I thought so.  I'm not sure our culture would agree but I know my savior would.

The movie we were seeing was rated PG-13 so I think the preview was for the same. The things is, when I was a teen, I watched R-rated movies without a thought.  Went to the theater to see them even.  I don't really remember my mom disapproving of this or ever talking to me about it (sorry mom if you did - you know my memory).  It was normal, just something to do.  I watched whatever whenever.  

Then I went to CIU, where one of the "standards" at the time was no R-rated movies.  The rule follower part of me obliged, it wasn't that big of a deal when there was so many other things to do (and so many other standards that were harder for me).  The Lord did a huge amount of work on my life and heart the four years while I was there, and I kept the R-rated standard for myself, as I grew to understand the impact of what I fill my mind and soul.

It hasn't always been the easiest thing to do when I was renting movies with friends and had to slip that in there or leave a place that wasn't watching something that I knew was edifying.  And I'm sure I have seen a historical movie or two, like Schindler's List, with such a rating since then.

For the most part, though, this has been a very good thing but I have come to see how sheltered I am now.  We have never had cable and the network shows I do watch are mostly reality TV (I know, I'm one of those).  There is not as much of the harshness in So You Think You Can Dance and The Biggest Looser.  We do have Nexflix, which is a blessing.  However, recently when I watched a couple of the shows I have heard people talk about, I turned them off quickly, appalled, not even realizing that such filth was able to be shown.

It breaks my heart, for our culture and world.  Mostly who would just defend their right to watch such filth, not knowing how it tears at their soul.  Even more so for my children, the messages they will get, and even though I can protect them now, this will not always be the case.  As they grow they will have opportunities to make their own decisions (with much discussion of course).  This does scare me.  How I pray that they will guard their hearts as the Lord continues to show me how I need to guard mine.