3 hours

So I now think of my life in increments of every three hours, as that is the amount of time that Zoe needs to eat or I need to pump (if I'm not with her)....which usually leaves me a little over a couple of hours to try to get something done. It's amazing how that time goes by soooo quickly!

How some of the things that I used to be able to do will not fit in that time slot (i.e. workout a couple of hours and take a shower) and how quickly my body reminds me when those three hours are up.

There have been so many times when I'm running around with her trying to get errands done and I fear the milk alarm (her screaming) will go off. I've never kept such a close eye on the clock. Faster, faster, faster... not fun when my mind seems to have lost itself at the last stop.

So all this pumped milk has taken over our freezer, much to Beach's delight, I'm sure (His response most night: "What do you want for dinner?" Open freezer, "Oh yeah, all we have is breast milk."). Still need to find a better way to organize. For awhile the milk bags would just fall on me and, amazingly enough, hurt my feet with then would land on them in all their frozen glory. For now they are just stuffed in grocery bags by date, very appealing and lovely; need to find a better way!

It completely amazes me how God has created our bodies to provide for our young in such a way. How my view has developed as I once dreaded it when Zoe was young and wanted to nurse nonstop in quit an uncomfortable way to looking forward to our nap nursing in the afternoons when I get off work. What a gift to be able to give to my growing girl and what a gift she is to me!

Breakfast anyone?

Ok, can I just say what an amazing servant husband I have. Every morning pretty much since we have been married, Beach gets up and makes me breakfast, usually containing an amazing omelet. Since our huge espresso machine came into our life....my breakfast is also graced with a latte! He is just the best at making both of theses. It doesn't matter if he has to get up or not, if it means him getting up a lot earlier than me or what we did the night before, his servant heart prevails to the joy of my stomach! Really who needs Starbucks when I have the best barista living with me!

Now the daily latte is lactose free or made with soy/almond/or whatever alternative milk product I can find on sale and the omelet graced with goat cheese. So amazing that I don't even mind waking up having such to look forward to! What a blessing!

Emotions

Ok....for the record I started this almost a month ago.....working on getting things up sooner!

So creating this other being has changed so many parts of me.

For example, I'm finally going back to teaching at they gym (which means that I can bring Zoe into the childcare there - I couldn't have afforded it otherwise)....Deep breath (why I still get so scared about teaching is beyond me). So I had already talked to them at the childcare placement, which I had heard many good things about, so I thought I was good to go. Drooped her off, she gave me that huge toothless grin and with much assurance from the staff I was off.

I thought I was doing well, until I walked out of the door and a huge wave of emotion came over me. What was this? Why did I feel like bursting into tears, wasn't I just fine a second ago? I had no idea that such feelings were to come over me! Yet another thing in my body/life that has changed....

The same thing happened when I packed up her newborn clothes. It's not like she isn't still tiny but every time I would come to a another outfit that would no longer fit her....the tears began again....alas, needless to say, it was a long packing up process. Completely unexpected!

Is there a way to know when these emotions are to come on? Like a huge warning button that would let me know to be prepared or perhaps it's not the best time to do something. I feel powerless at times. All that I do know is that Zoe is so worth it! This huge emotional roller coaster I've hopped on....I'm hanging on.... so let's go!