In that we are having a home birth, an ultrasound is not a part of the "normal" routine, but was an option with going to the doctor that is connected to our midwife. He practices in Newberry, a 45 minute drive from the house. I couldn't stand it, not knowing for another five months! Finding out when they are in my arms. How I love the part of pregnancy when I can talk to the baby, call it by name and dream about our new family together.
Beach wants a boy so badly, especially after the comment I uttered in the midst of my sickness about this having to be the last child. I think because our girls are so much like me, if he had a boy, he feels that more of him would be living on, including his name. However, I grew up in a household of three girls. We have two, my sister has two, I really thought surely this had to be a girl. Isn't this all we can make? I really didn't want to see Beach disappointed, though. So we talked about to accept whatever it was, as it had to be perfect, because it was what God had designed. Beach really wanted a boy with the first pregnancy, too, and it was hard for him. But two weeks after Zoe was born, he declared that he was glad that she was a girl and he understand that God gave him what he needed.
The office was pretty rural and the Dr. himself was to do the ultrasound. Laying there for over a half an hour on the hard bed with the comfort of paper and staring up at the oh so too bright lights, I began to get nervous. Where was this feeling coming from? I hadn't expected it. Nervous that Beach would be excited about the outcome? He would be fine he assured me. Nervous that I really was having twins? No, that just couldn't be. I know that I felt huge for five months but surly not twins. So I asked Beach to talk to me, to distract me from these feelings until we could get to the good stuff.
I like the Dr., He's nice and his accent tells me English is not his first language. And then we got to see our baby for the first time. It's hard having to wait till now, to fully grasp the "realness" of the situation. Dr. started talking about the brain and then heart. I always wondered why they just didn't do the gender first, isn't that the part that people want to know! The other things really are more important but let's just figure it out! I saw, though, before he told us. This baby, this baby had something different. It was a boy. Beach got out of his seat to get a closer look and when he knew for sure, he threw his fists in the air. My body, surprising me yet again, was teary eyed with joy. Happy for Beach and this new challenge. Our baby boy, which our Dr assured us that he knew this 100%. The only pic he ended up printing (from a machine which had to be over 20 years old) was some of the proof but we got to watch around at our boy for quite some time.
I honestly don't know what to do with a boy. I mean I know that they are not that much different in the beginning, but still. I didn't have brothers, it's a whole new dynamic for me. We were set on all the girl things and now, have to start over, which seems a bit overwhelming in itself. Do I get rid of all my little girl clothes? Are we really done with having kids....no, that I can say for sure. The Lord will provide for us, as he always has. He will give me the wisdom needed and nurture our relationship and somehow allow me to love this boy as much as my girls.