Thursday, October 31, 2013

It's a baby....

In that we are having a home birth, an ultrasound is not a part of the "normal" routine, but was an option with going to the doctor that is connected to our midwife.  He practices in Newberry, a 45 minute drive from the house.  I couldn't stand it, not knowing for another five months!  Finding out when they are in my arms.  How I love the part of pregnancy when I can talk to the baby, call it by name and dream about our new family together.  

Beach wants a boy so badly, especially after the comment I uttered in the midst of my sickness about this having to be the last child.  I think because our girls are so much like me, if he had a boy, he feels that more of him would be living on, including his name.  However, I grew up in a household of three girls.  We have two, my sister has two, I really thought surely this had to be a girl.  Isn't this all we can make?  I really didn't want to see Beach disappointed, though.  So we talked about to accept whatever it was, as it had to be perfect, because it was what God had designed.  Beach really wanted a boy with the first pregnancy, too, and it was hard for him.  But two weeks after Zoe was born, he declared that he was glad that she was a girl and he understand that God gave him what he needed.  
The office was pretty rural and the Dr. himself was to do the ultrasound.  Laying there for over a half an hour on the hard bed with the comfort of paper and staring up at the oh so too bright lights, I began to get nervous.  Where was this feeling coming from?  I hadn't expected it.  Nervous that Beach would be excited about the outcome?  He would be fine he assured me.  Nervous that I really was having twins?  No, that just couldn't be.  I know that I felt huge for five months but surly not twins. So I asked Beach to talk to me, to distract me from these feelings until we could get to the good stuff.

I like the Dr., He's nice and his accent tells me English is not his first language.  And then we got to see our baby for the first time.  It's hard having to wait till now, to fully grasp the "realness" of the situation.  Dr. started talking about the brain and then heart.  I always wondered why they just didn't do the gender first, isn't that the part that people want to know!  The other things really are more important but let's just figure it out!  I saw, though, before he told us.  This baby, this baby had something different.  It was a boy.  Beach got out of his seat to get a closer look and when he knew for sure, he threw his fists in the air.  My body, surprising me yet again, was teary eyed with joy. Happy for Beach and this new challenge. Our baby boy, which our Dr assured us that he knew this 100%.  The only pic he ended up printing (from a machine which had to be over 20 years old) was some of the proof but we got to watch around at our boy for quite some time.
In that my boy likes to move around a lot, the Dr. seemed a bit off guard when the head was in a completely different space and questioned us on if it was another baby.  What!  Wait I thought that would be obvious, so he looked around around and around.  No, no this boy was the only one!  Everything else looked perfect and he was measuring just a day off from my original "due date."  

I honestly don't know what to do with a boy.  I mean I know that they are not that much different in the beginning, but still.  I didn't have brothers, it's a whole new dynamic for me.  We were set on all the girl things and now, have to start over, which seems a bit overwhelming in itself.  Do I get rid of all my little girl clothes?  Are we really done with having, that I can say for sure.  The Lord will provide for us, as he always has.  He will give me the wisdom needed and nurture our relationship and somehow allow me to love this boy as much as my girls.

Costuming up some fun for this season

Recently the time with the girls has been rough.  I'm not sure what it is between teething and not getting enough sleep, but the whiny, crank level has been way high.  The time outs have over flowed, along with the tears from all the girls (it does not help that my hormones are working against me - more like sobs than tears at times).
So to try to combat this we have participated in some of the recent fall activities.  Quite the opposite from my change of perspective from last year.  But I wanted to try to fight the urge to just chalk up this time, wishing the days away, and try to create some positive memories. 

I asked my mom if she wanted to make Zoe a costume, since they both love her work.  Of course she did, but she ran out of time and found this little number. Zoe couldn't have been any more ecstatic to be Tinker Bell, just as I had been one year as a child. (That picture will not be included, as I had chickenpoxs at the time.)  She was a little disappointed that she could not fly, though.
My little giraffe got a lot of attention and it was funny to see how it seemed to change her personality.  Beach found this treasure for 25 cents at a garage sale a couple years ago, a great investment! Shiloh screamed when I put it on her the first time at the house, but seemed to embrace it in the cold weather.  I'm sure her hearing and sight were hindered. 
The kind boy across from us on the hay ride offered to take our picture (after seeing me attempt to do so several times - I'm sure I looked pretty special).

Another day we went to this random festival in the middle of no where Lexington.  I definitely should have checked Mapquest before heading out as it was in the opposite direction of where we needed to go afterwards (and we were quite late).  BUT the girls got to ride a horse for the first time!  After going around the circle once, Zoe announced, "I'm done," in her very Zoe fashion.  So I threw Shiloh up there and walked next to her for a couple more loops, which she seemed to enjoy.  
Our church had a chili cook off that Beach and a friend worked hard to enter.  I wasn't able to attend, as it right was in the middle of nap time but Zoe came home with a cutie face and they had a great time. 
My parents church had a small trunk or treat, so in that it was excuse to wear the costumes again off we went.  Horrible lighting for pictures and squirmy littles, left little prof, but I tried.  I wanted to capture Adayln there with Shiloh and this was the best I could do! 
We visited the neighbors again and caught up with where we seemed to leave off last year.  I wish there was a way to make more connections with them...but we did try to stop and chat at each house.
We explained to Zoe that we were going to send most of the candy "to the soldiers".  (A local dentist will send it out to the troops- isn't that awesome.)  She did not like this idea, at first, in that she relates the word solders to the Roman Soldiers that killed Jesus.  But after explaining and talking it through a few more times, as she held my hand walking on our pretty dark street tonight, she noted that the soldiers were her friends.  I'm glad she is grasping the concept a bit more, as I want to help her cultivate a giving heart.  By explaining that there are soldiers helping to keep us safe that do not get to go to festivals or trick-er-treating, so to share the love with them, is a good start.  Don't worry, they did get a couple of pieces themselves.

Sunday, October 13, 2013


Broken.  I have been thinking about this word all too much this weekend.  It started on Friday morning when, during breakfast, I was reading some of the Jesus Storybook Bible to the girls.  We were discussing about Adam and Eve and the fall when the story addressed how the whole earth and everything in it was broken. So we talked about it, brokenness, on a three-year-old level.
Zoe looked out the back window and asked if everything outside would break, and when I tried to explain that it would, her sensitive heart tore into this utter despair and tears began falling.  I wasn't expecting that.  I wanted to say, "no it was fine, it was all good, you are completely safe," but my own too knowing heart couldn't.  Even at her young age, I don't want this western world haze to gloss completely over the fact that our world is hard, it is broken, you don't know when and what things will change. Even if it meant having the long drawn out conversations.  She needs to know of her need of the Savior.

We set off in the car for a play date that morning and, of course, her mind kept going and she kept questioning.  We talked about how Heaven was not broken and amazing.  How her GG lived there.  How if you loved Jesus you would be there one day, with no more sadness.  She repeatedly talked about how she wanted to go there, how she wanted to go now.  The momma tears flowed, despite me wanting to dam them up while driving, at the thought of losing her now.  I wanted (and continue to want) to tell myself that no, this will not happen, we are fine, it's all good, you are completely safe with me, but my own too knowing heart couldn't.  There are no guarantees.  This life (and hers) is a vapor and there is nothing I can do to change when she will be called to the loving arms of Jesus that she loves so much.
A reminder in my own Bible study that day, talking about the brokenness but about how Jesus is with us.  John 16:33 reads:
 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
We will have trouble.  He knows it and warns us.  But more than that we have Him, to be with us, to comfort, to heal.  No matter what the brokenness looks like.

Then the sad news hit like a ton a bricks that night.  A young amazing leader in our church died suddenly while playing ultimate Frisbee.  No warnings, just stepped into eternity.  No doubt he is with the Lord that he loves so much.  But he left behind a wife and three boys under five (one of which was adopted from Africa).  She is around my age, a widow, completely unexpected.  My heart cannot wrap around the fact that these boys will not have an earthly father.  I think of my girls, how they just wouldn't understand why daddy was not around anymore.  How painful it would be to have to tell them over and over again where he was. How my own heart would ache from a love loss without getting to say goodbye.  Tears could not be stopped from Beach and I all weekend.  Things break, we see it coming sometimes, sometimes we may even be able to fix things, but we can't stop it. But we have a hope and a Savior, who has overcome the world who is bigger than anything we may face.

May I rest in that.  May I pray for this hope for this hurting family. May I be able to stress it to my children through the years. As much as I want to tell them everything will be fine, it may not be at times, BUT God, He is with us and has overcome.

PS - If you would like to show support for the grieving family of Carla and her sons (Charlie, Israel, and Meyer), consider making a donation to the Gerlach Memorial Fund.  You can click here to donate online and just note it is for the Gerlach Memorial Fund.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Falling into September

So the struggle of the first trimester is still in full swing.  Laying down and not doing anything = depression for this lady.  I know it's not good but it's so hard when it's the only thing I feel that my body will let me do. However, when our friends asked us if we would like to spend some time on an easy kayak trip down the river, that sounded doable and just what I needed. 
We did have a great time and I love seeing what our Creator has done from a different view!
I'm, also trying to squeeze some outdoor play in with the girls whenever I can.
They love the snacks that often accompany us! 
In coffee news: the Free Times did a write up of the Loveland Coffee concentrate for the paper.  It was an unexpected exciting surprise!
Fall time = Pumpkin Spice Latte.  You can't tell me that doesn't look good!
I got to accompany my man for a job with the wedding coffee catering end of things.  In that it was a smaller wedding, it was fun getting to hang out with him (and enjoy their food!).
Beach was very excited that our local brewery combined some of the cold concentrate into a beer.  It was a hit and something that they plan on continuing!
We went to a birthday for Zoe's friend!  Her mom, my sweet friend Rene, hosted the event at her house.
Rene Brigman Photography captures such sweet moments and has a growing photography business!
In other news, Zoe is awesome at Pin the ring on Minnie - nailed it!
And Shi can rock it out!
Zoe loves to talk, especially in the car and is always asking "why".  Ms Inquisitive.  One night when I was fighting a bad headache I asked her to be quiet for awhile.  Her response, "But I love you so much, I just want to talk to you."  Ok, melt me!
We have been spending a lot of time in the backyard.  I grew up outside in Florida year round, so I love to see them explore our yard the way I remember doing as a child.  
Lunch outside means they can eat and roam, always a plus (if we have plenty of time).
I enjoy hearing Shiloh becoming a little parrot.  She is starting to talk a lot more.  She really does well with singing and it surprise me how much she knows!
We often enjoy a large bowl of popcorn Dad makes on the whirley pop.  Coconut oil is the best!  Sometimes the kids get to join in as well.  
Greek Festival!
Full of yummy food and much dancing. 
We shared a special treat of Baklava ice cream.  Do you know the people do not even eat Baklava in Greece this time of year.  They just consider it a winter dessert. 
Yahhhh, so Daddy being home on Saturdays means more fun for all.  I still just really appreciate it more than I ever have.
Four years ago, at this time, we were in Greece and it was enjoyable thinking back to such memories.
I was pregnant with Zoe (part of the reason we wanted a Greek name for her) back then.  Then it was hard to imagine how different our life would be be now (and it's currently hard to think of how different it will be four years from now).
We had fun visiting with some friends we hadn't gotten to see in awhile.
Zoe enjoyed having two cups of coffee (decaf - don't worry) and just fit right in.  
Zoe has developed a new love for some of her dress up clothes and enjoys wearing them wherever she can.
Okra Strut Parade, and the fam camped out in front of the kiosk.
Zoe was very excited that people would pass her special treats (and was mostly focused on such).  She even got to eat one.
Beach had a lot of great business, as the kiosk was on the parade route on a cooler September morning.  He had Loveland Coffee corn hole boards made that visitors could play.
Daddy got to sneak out of the kiosk a couple of times to sit with his girls. 

I feel very blessed to live on a golf course and the view it provides.  One night we went on a walk and Zoe enjoyed running all around on the endless greens.
Luckily the end of the month showed some promise in the momma health department.  I have begun to see some hope on the horizon after just entering the second trimester.  Hopefully some time to enjoy our current family unit before all the new changes come.