Throughout my adolescence I oh so struggled with that question, "Really what is the point in life?" or even the point of trying hard in something or really even getting out of bed for that matter. My sensitive, melancholy, deep soul that spiraled with depression could not, NOT, wrap my head around it.
Meaningless. A chasing after the wind. Even Solomon, the wisest man ever thought so, right? When is seems like the wind has stopped blowing you wonder what is even the point of chasing anymore.
Fast forward many many years later.....with good friendships, break ups, God's presence, healing, marriage, three kids and I got really good at chasing. There was so much to chase and not enough time but I attempted to cram as much in as possible. I actually even really enjoyed it!
Life was to busy or two distracted (thanks smart phones) to ask the question much anymore. Plus with the littles there is much more to live for then just my own breath.
Then, because of my health issues, I felt I couldn't chase anymore, despite the wind that keep whipping all around me. I felt chiselled....like a sculpture of sorts that kept having things whittled away of from my life. All sorts of little and big things from friendships and fellowships, from work at Loveland Coffee, from meeting at a Bible Study, to any hobbies and stress relievers gone, to be able to give and help, to aspects of what I identified as my identity and most importantly to being able to take care of my family in countless of ways. Whittled down with much emotionally protest by me. I had learned a lot the past few years about just being instead of doing. Learned a lot....but my lesson wasn't over. I found that I was waiting waiting for this season just to move on already, surly it had to, instead embracing the now.
So with much forced time in bed the question comes back. What is the point?...my purpose in life regardless of what my life looks like....to make disciples (and right now that looks like just my littles) and supporting my husband as much as I can, all while enjoying my Savor, asking him to take me deeper. Right now most days I can do very little but I can do this. It's not in the form or way that I would like per se, not my choosing one bit, but I still have this choice, this privilege. So I've asked the Lord to help me remember this, to keep the point at the forefront of my mind (instead of my circumstances). So that I can use the little bit of time I do get with them and use it well. I don't want to waste anymore time chasing after things that do not matter. Instead I'm just trying to allow Him to move through me!