Saturday, May 19, 2018

What the health?

It's been while since I have referenced what is going on physically for me.  Partly because in many ways I have been pretty overwhelmed, worn out and just trying to get through the day.  I admit this is "not my favorite" (a term that a stole from my sister instead of complaining) way of living and I have done many internal tantrums.

It's weird these issues, every now and then I have a good day (or good few hours).  There was a time I even had a good couple of weeks, and I was ecstatic with how different things were.  I was able to cash in the gym membership I had won (complete with hydro massage, sauna and childcare), was calmer and just felt more Me.  Life was promising and full of hope!  I had to pace myself but tried my best to do so.
Then just like that, I woke up one morning, a Monday of all days, and it was gone.  The cloud of darkness, heaviness, fog was back.  That along with my inability to stay awake and needing 2-3 naps a day.  I just didn't get it.  Things had been going so well and the rug was pulled out from under me, again.  It was almost harder emotionally, in a way, for I had so much hope that things were getting better, I was getting my life back.  I was able to use my planner, knowing that I could actual plan, knowing my body wouldn't betray me but quickly learned that was futile.

I returned to my bed (over and over again), repeatedly reminding myself that it was what my body needed, REST, to heal (the reminder was constantly needed to my stubborn heart).  I'm still not a good rester.  What I'm trying to be, though, is a good listener.  "Be still (got that part) and know that I am God."  I wanted to know more, hear more, pray more, be more connected to my creator!  He is always there but my "normal" default mode is being to busy to listen.

And He is teaching me, of course He is.  Teaching me more about His Character, His faithfulness, how He is my righteousness (for I literally can earn nothing, oh this humble state).  More about my role in life and what I value (and how much I really struggle with feeling valueless when I'm in such a state...where does my identity truly lie).  More about his provision, thank you Lord for taking care of me, our family and our business.

In some ways I want to learn everything already so we can move on....sigh (my flesh craves "self-sufficientcy"- or at least the illusion of such).  I have no idea what that would look like or how long it would actually take....days, weeks, months, years....I have no idea (but am trying new things and holding on to the hope- most of the time).  All the while, I think about the diseases that usually don't have a "moving on" looks a whole lot different for the people with such.  How would I be able to handle that?  Oh, but the Grace of God.
So for now I wait in expectantly with a listening heart (you can pray that I continue to fight off the lies of the evil one that continues to come against my lonely weak state).  A time when there are many snuggles (thankful that all my littles are huge fans of such) and on a "good day" maybe even a bit more.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Strawberry Fileds Forever

 A beloved family tradition is for us to go strawberry picking.  I wasn't feeling all that well but slept in, saved up some energy and headed off with the parents when Beach had to work on Saturday.
Last year I think we went to late in the season, so we were pumped when we found that the strawberries were so bountiful!
I could hear people walking by talking about how one should not eat them out of the fields, but I don't know how this is even possible...that is the best part! (Plus it made me feel a bit better knowing how Cottle Farm cares for their crops and the quality of the berries - worth the longer drive from my house).
The littles were all were great helpers (although I spent a lot of time sorting through the "picked" ones....most of the "rejects" got eaten don't worry).
These girls crack me up!
I love this face of messy giggles!
Right near by is a community park, and since it is quite a haul from a house, we enjoyed having a picnic by the water.
And then exploring around a bit....
So thankful for this precious gift of a morning and adding it to the treasures of my heart.  (Thanks Mom and Dad for joining the fun!  I couldn't have done it without your support!)

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Loving me some April (Part 1)

So much love for this month's highlights!  I was a little overwhelmed by the amount of pictures so I broke it down a bit between a couple of monthly blogs, Strawberry picking and my main man's birthday!
First up....the littles kicked off Spring Break with a Tea Party with Grammy!
While Momma got a little break in the beautiful yard....the kiddos got to practice with the nice tea set!
They had a great time and nobody broke anything!  ;-)
Shiloh got her birthday date with Aunt Lauren...
The artists got to work outside...
and then enjoyed some Chick-fil-a action.  Shiloh demonstrated that there are other ways to eat an ice-cream cone (like from the top and bottom).
I had to get a picture of the two of them when they got back...
Shiloh clearly had a great time!
An opening at a new downtown boutique hotel was a great reason for a night out with my love!
The place is incredible and we loved getting a "tour" by one of their designers for an inside peak of all the amazing details. They source many local products...including our coffee that we had made into  K-cups for them.
If wanting an awesome stay in Columbia...I would check them out!
Sister sent this sweet picture to me from school.
Sometimes naps call for extra snuggle time with my boy!
Little Shiloh wanted a picture with her Snow Globe from GGPa and Cosby.  She really LOVED this item - guess how many days it took until it got broken :-(
A night with friends calls for golf cart ride...
and exploring! (I couldn't get everyone in the picture...sorry Will!)
Not pictured: All the trash Shiloh collected.
Co-op day: when Ezra saw that Liddy had on her LC shirt...
he had to put on his, too!
It's field trip season and I got to go with this little cutie pie.
Of course the time I attempted to take a picture at the zoo, it was near the flamingos and my sensory child did not appreciate it!
Beautiful day for a backyard birthday bash..
My girls with one of the birthday girls...
and another.
Filters can be pretty fun and entertaining.
We had trees that surprisingly needed to be cut down (this always makes me sad).
The littles wanted to watch but were pretty scared.
Somebody has a wiggly tooth (the joys of childhood)...
Alright....on to more fun of the month!

Sunday, April 1, 2018

Easter & Birthday (take 2)

April 1st was a special day this year with it being Zoe's birthday and Easter.  Even though we did celebrate the day before there was still some special things for her on her actual day as well, like a yummy breakfast!
When we got home from church, Zoe found a surprise waiting for her from her neighbor buddy!
She is at the age where craft kits are just perfect, in that she is really enjoying making things!
Then it was off to my parent's house, where we got a family picture...
or two!
(Not needing to take a time out as my anxiety had been a battling me hard core.)
Then Danielle led us in a Seder!  Such a special activity and I'm so thankful that we got to do it again this year!
"Why do we eat reclining?"
(Danielle was reading the words from her phone.)
While there were no tears this time, Zoe did have strong thoughts about the herbs dipped in salt water.
Next it was time for Resurrection Rolls...
I try to look past what they are made of and focus on the hands on significance of what they represent!
It's so great that the kids can be involved.
After they were cooked and "Jesus" (marshmallow) was gone, Lydia exclaimed, "My Jesus melted!"  Not quite but did open up some talk ;-)
After our amazing dinner, it was Zoe's turn to open her birthday presents.
Grammy kicked it off with giving her some jewelry!
Her first "lego set" (she was excited about them only because they were "girl leggos").
Then it was time for card reading from the cousins.  Zoe was a good audience to listen and validate the looonnnnggg story of the cards.
Rollerblades she had been anticipating!
And a Beanie Boo!
Sweet 8-year-old!
Selfie with the birthday girl again!
Finally event was the Easter Hunt!  (I kept this picture of Danielle trying to get out of my shot because she looks so pretty.)

Grammy and Poppy's property lend to plenty of places to hide.
Love these sweet girls!
Picture with the best mommy ever!
And the best Sisters ever!
Zoe wanted in on the love!
All the littles with their finds!
And Shiloh caught a caterpillar.  Her face when I asked to take a picture...
that's better!
Christ the Lord has Risen!  What a beautiful day to celebrate so much!!!