Monday, December 12, 2011


We live in a country that is full of the feeling of entitlement (or perhaps it's just our fallen nature in general)....."I deserve this!" "It's my right!" "I've worked so hard!" I know I struggle with this concept a lot. Feeling frustrated when at work, yet again, we do not get a Christmas bonus, and what we did have to celebrate taking more from us or when I feel that I should be treated a certain way, perhaps because I'm pregnant or have worked so hard at something. The list really could go on! Hummmmm.....I'm seeing a lot of "I"s here.
So during this time of year, focusing on what truly matters in Christmas, my thoughts have turned a lot to Mary and Jesus. What it must have been like to be caring the Lord of the universe in your womb? What she wondered, thought and feared? Knowing that I've been thinking a lot about my own pregnancy and birthing options it has brought my thoughts to hers.

Then I thought about Jesus' birth, in a smelly stable, with animals, in a strange city (not so much the beautiful nativity scenes we celebrate but more of what it really was like). I'm thinking this was not a relaxed comfortable labor for the mother of God. I'm sure if I was in her place my thought process would go something like this, "Lord, don't you think I, the one caring the creator, should have an amazing place to give birth? or Why couldn't you have waited until we got back home, where I would be more supported by friends, family and a midwife? Why, at least, couldn't you have saved a room in some inn for are can do all things! Don't I deserve this (I mean you did pick me to be his mother), I mean doesn't Jesus deserve this at least?"

I suppose this just reveals more of my sinful nature and how much I need Him in order to understand His perspective, His timing and doing things for His glory....not so much how I think things should be done and MY entitlements. May I remember this in giving birth, as well as around Christmas time when we look to celebrate His birth and throughout the year as more of these feelings arise!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Faith and fear

I've always thought that I was pretty good on the faith department, at least with the big things. We have had some major things in our lives that we have had to depend on the Lord for (Beach making it through school - trust me this was a big one - and supporting things without debt, Beach finding a job before our first baby made her entrance, and then a couple of months latter selling and buying another home - yeah we closed a couple of days before Zoe was due - and moving in after her due date). They were never really that stressful for me. I know God was going to take care of things and I was going to work as hard as I could to help.....hummmm. Well, perhaps that was not completely all bad, but looking back I did feel that pride creeping in.

However, I had no idea that that was the case....until more recently when my faith has had to look a bit different. We are coming closer to situations that I can't "help" out as much as I have in the past. With the coming of a new baby brings a lot more decisions and of corse needing of money. Money has never been big for me. I much rather find a great deal than get an expensive item, and we had learned to live on not buying much more than the necessities. However, it's hard to cut back when there's not much left to cut.

However, God is growing my faith and seemingly giving me passages to read that deal with just that. Today reading in Luke 5, where Jesus told Simon to put his net over the boat, and how does Simon reply? “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” Then their boat could not even hold all the fish that they caught.

My prayer is just this....may I be able to know that it is not my striving, even if I work as hard as I can all night long (which could just produce nothing) but trusting in the Lord, in his timing and his provision. May I look to Him completely, trusting whole heartily, that he will give me all that I need, even when it just does not make sense to my human mind. Lord, here is my net, I will let it down because you say so!