Sunday, December 4, 2011

Faith and fear

I've always thought that I was pretty good on the faith department, at least with the big things. We have had some major things in our lives that we have had to depend on the Lord for (Beach making it through school - trust me this was a big one - and supporting things without debt, Beach finding a job before our first baby made her entrance, and then a couple of months latter selling and buying another home - yeah we closed a couple of days before Zoe was due - and moving in after her due date). They were never really that stressful for me. I know God was going to take care of things and I was going to work as hard as I could to help.....hummmm. Well, perhaps that was not completely all bad, but looking back I did feel that pride creeping in.

However, I had no idea that that was the case....until more recently when my faith has had to look a bit different. We are coming closer to situations that I can't "help" out as much as I have in the past. With the coming of a new baby brings a lot more decisions and of corse needing of money. Money has never been big for me. I much rather find a great deal than get an expensive item, and we had learned to live on not buying much more than the necessities. However, it's hard to cut back when there's not much left to cut.

However, God is growing my faith and seemingly giving me passages to read that deal with just that. Today reading in Luke 5, where Jesus told Simon to put his net over the boat, and how does Simon reply? “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” Then their boat could not even hold all the fish that they caught.

My prayer is just this....may I be able to know that it is not my striving, even if I work as hard as I can all night long (which could just produce nothing) but trusting in the Lord, in his timing and his provision. May I look to Him completely, trusting whole heartily, that he will give me all that I need, even when it just does not make sense to my human mind. Lord, here is my net, I will let it down because you say so!

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