Small and Mighty

 My birthday this year was not one I want to remember and it was fully of sickness and surprise heartache.  A friend that I confided in told me I needed a do-over birthday, but the hardships were far from over and it was just another beginning of a difficult season for our family. 

However, there was a very bright part of the day that was truly a gift from a sweet soul and the Lord. I had a massage from my favorite masseuse and friend, Shaun, the owner of The Well.  She was so extra good to me on this particular visit, starting to melt the pain away from the day and just life in general, no easy task by any means.  On the way out, I shared how thankful I was for the experience, and she exclaimed how she was surprised to feel how much tension I was carrying around in my shoulders everyday. While this was no surprise to me, having someone say it out loud felt validating, as I knew she was not just talking about the physical issues but so much more.  I do feel a great deal of pressure in so many areas of life (compounded by my type A, enneagram one, personality).

However, she left me with the encouragement of declaring how I was "small and mighty."  Ha!  These were not words I would use to describe myself.  Instead of pushing it away though, I smiled softly, thanked her again, and told myself that I was not going to cry right there in the waiting room.  Instead I chewed on those words and journaled on them the few minutes I had before picking the kids up from school.

"Mighty" is the total opposite of how I feel in life.  My body still is not completely predictable, and coming off another week of barely being able to do anything out of bed (again), along with being way out of my depth parenting pre-teens, other words I would use to describe myself came to mind.  More along the lines of incapable, unequipped, inadequate, weak, were my internal labels, as I push through each day, some feeling impossible.  But those are all feelings, and feelings can be very deceitful and lie to your soul, even if they seem very believable. 

When I think of  the word "mighty" I think of Gideon in Judges 6, who the Lord called to battle when the Israelites were being oppressed. An angel approached Gideon when he was threshing wheat; he was having to do so while hiding from the Midianites in a winepress.  The angel let him know first off who was with him and who Gideon truly was called to be. “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

His current actions were definitely not ones of bravery (hiding just to do his work), but that is like God meeting us where we are. Gideon respectful asked why the bad things were happening to them and where were God's miracles. Man, when the onslaught of hard is coming at ya, those question can easily come to mind.  God's answer to Gideon:

“Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” 

I imagine Gideon thinking, "Wait, what, I'm the answer to all the oppression? How does that make any sense?"  However, respectful he says, “Pardon me, my lord, but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”  Ha!  Gideon thinks God must not truly know who he is or what he is really able to do.  What we think about ourselves is so powerful and often rules our actions.

However, God reminds him again that he will be with him, and they will win. Gideon still acts out of fear, and then he needs a little more convincing with some signs from God before he sets out.  While he had many soldiers backing him, God instructs Gideon to decrease them by 31,700, leaving him with just 300 to fight the massive enemy, so there could be no doubt how they were to win the battle.  In honesty, that's how I have felt stripped of my own resources of just functioning as a human with so many health struggles.  The ONLY way to get through this is with the WAYMAKER.  

God gives him encouragement, but Gideon had to be willing to listen. Speak, Lord for your child needs to hear your words, like manna everyday to her soul.  Gideon obeyed, marching into what would appear by all human terms, a death trap; but God proved himself in a creative way, bringing them to victory.  

This is my own heart cry, may I march towards the path the Lord's has me on, regardless of my resources and feelings.  May I march on knowing that His victory is already won.  May I continue to speak it to my soul to remember: I am small and mighty and want to be a vessel for the Lord in all things.