Saturday, March 2, 2013

The loss of babyhood and celebration of life

Do you ever have moments where you just know things have changed.  I've had many of those recently in looking at my baby.  Looking at her and realizing that she is not that anymore. 
And then it was here, her birthday.  I've had mixed feelings about birthdays in the past.  With this being her first I wanted to break from the traditional party to celebrating her life and remembering her birth itself.  
I still think her birth story is pretty awesome, and I would totally do it the same way again (if I could guarantee that I would not have the baby in the car on the way to the hospital).  So on her birthday, we went to the lake that I walked round and round while in labor.  We being me, the girls and my mom (who was not working that day - poor Beach was, though, so he couldn't come).
A bit cooler than the year before, but the sun shinned and warmed me from the inside out.  I just loved spending some quality time, reminiscing about the places I had to squat out a contraction and the log that we would spot the turtles.
Last year, I knew it was a last harooahhh of eating before birth and there was a Wendy's right off the trail.  So we stopped for a frosty and a fry (note this is something that never happens).   I had to re-live this part as well, of course, and Zoe very much enjoyed her "special treat."  We even saved some for daddy, too, so he could have a piece of the day.  The cold weather got to Zoe, though, and she was shivering  as she ate, and loving every second. 
As a side note, I totally almost fell in the lake off this lovely bridge thing.  Really, the only thing that saved my tripping self was a very old piece of wood that held all my body weight from going over.  This would not have made for a happy momma...but perhaps for a better story. 
It was a great afternoon.  
The following day, while it was snowing in the upstate, we headed to the park for a picnic.  I debated all day whether it was worth the chance of the weather holding off, and not freezing to death (causing me much anxiety I hate this about me).  In the end Beach said we were going, since he knew I would be sad, as there was no "plan B".
So we walked, huddled together with our picnic and had cake.  My mom graciously made a homemade one.  Shiloh's first taste of sugar, yet she wasn't a huge fan...Yahhh for that.  Zoe, on the other hand, very much looks forward to birthdays for this very reason.
The highlight for our little Shi was getting to ride in the wagon her uncle brought.  She loved it!

This little bundle of true joy.  How I am blessed this year to have her in my life.  How she is a blessing to others, some that even have to stop me from across the grocery store for the big smile that she gives them.  For the great big hugs and kisses and snuggles that I treasure and melt in.  For the way that she loves to dance, even if she can't stand yet but waves her hands wildly as her sister jumps around her.  For how she adores her sister and can't seem to get enough.  I love you my precious sweet gift of God.  May your light always shine so bright!

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