Sunday, September 20, 2015

That's all he wrote....

How does one KNOW when they are done having children?  I've heard others say that they just do.  Man I would love such closure.  This is the first time I've had a baby as old as Ezra (18 months) and not been pregnant.  I hate the thought of another rough pregnancy of multiplying the craziness that is our household but the number one reason that I'm not currently pregnant is that Beach does KNOW that he's done.  The last thing in the world that I want is to add more stress and pressure on him and go against what he feels. 
However, there is this little part of me that looks at my toddler (it's even hard saying he's a toddler and not a baby), and I just want to do it all over again.  He was such an easy going sweet baby that I don't know if I'm just morning that phase being over or that my womb is calling out to me.  I would love another little boy just like him!  How great would it be for him to have a playmate, too!  There are no guarantees, though!  It does not escape me that I'm soooo blessed to be able to birth these precious healthy babies and it makes me even more thankful. 
I've yet to release all my maternity clothes, baby items and many of the baby clothes. What if... Zoe keeps asking me now, as well, wanting another baby!  I also have this place in me that is rising back up with wanting to foster children.  I know that would still be down the road but my heart is drawn to all the children that need a safe loving space!  So all I know how to do is pray... to be dependent of the Lord's leading.  No better place to be I suppose!  Praying for His true wisdom, despite what our circumstances look like, what craziness is involved, and listening to His calling for all of our lives as I wait for clarity in what He has in store (And look at these sweet baby pictures as I reminisce)!


  1. Right there with you- although still a little early for me to be thinking about another one I don't feel done. I was also told about this feeling like the family is complete and you will just know - I'm guessing that it supported to be the same mysterious "you just know" about who you will marry. If you find the answer let me know. I'm my sure if we will have more or not but I totally feel these same feelings. One other thought- you could have the incomplete family feeling from God, inspiring your heart to start fostering. You have a beautiful gift of overflowing love and the heart for fostering many children need that!

  2. We've been struggling with that question too...thinking this next one will be our last...but what if we change our minds? It seems so permanent to say no more. For us age plays a big factor...and number of bedrooms!

    1. For sure! Yes, we only have 3 that is a factor!!! I so want Beach and I to be on the same page!

  3. we were in exactly the same place where you are after we had baby #3. We decided we were done. But then I kept going back and forth mentally and emotionally and asking God what we should actually do, looking for scriptures, and I just was all over the place about it. One day I was packing up the small baby stuff that Caleb had outgrown and was going to give it away, and as I was cleaning out his closet I didn't feel happy, and I actually started crying. I was so frustrated and I literally cried out to God asking Him to PLEASE give me an answer and show me what to do, and to help me to know it was from Him and not from man. I will also say that at this point my husband was going to go see a urologist for a consultation for a vasectomy. So, instead of getting rid of stuff I put it back in the closet.

    About one week later, my inlaws came to pick up my 3 kids to take them for a week of grandparent fun. After they left, I checked my email and my mom had sent me a link to a blog entry that was very sweet about mothering and children. Then at the bottom I saw a "recommended" entry that was titled "Baby Number Three and We're DONE!" I clicked on it and after reading all of the posts (I think there are 3 total) I absolutely knew that this was my answer. Like, I knew it down in my spirit that God had sent this to me and it was no accident. I will say that we then realized that although we said we were trusting in God, we were still in control of my womb. We were telling God that He could have only certain parts of our lives, but that we knew better in this area. We knew what we could handle, and what we had room for, and what we could afford. "you just leave this to us God, and you handle the more important things." That's what we were doing. Now, I am NOT saying that is what you are doing. I know lots and lots of people who don't agree with us and we do not judge them at all, it is something between you and God. But, I know for a fact it's what my husband and I were doing. So, I just wanted to share my story! Here is the link to the blog I was talking about. At the end of it, there is a link to "click here to read.." the next part of the series. I think there are 3 total.

    Ultimately, though, as you stated, you and Beach must be in unity and on the same page and must both seek God together on the matter. :-)

    P.S. And all that to say that we know trust God with how many children we have and believe that it is He who opens and closes the womb. Be Blessd!