Friday, September 5, 2014

And so it house rocks?

This little piece of paper represents one that holds more emotion than any other I've experienced. 
 What to do with Zoe this school year was a huge question in my mind.  Yet, now that we have three children....childcare is even more of an issue.  For the longest time, Zoe has constantly asked about when she would start school and why she couldn't go.  So when there was a chance that she could go to the 4K program at the elementary school near our house this year I decided to get her evaluated.  I know that she is so smart but there are, also, areas that are a challenge for her, as she doesn't like to write or draw.  When I took her to the school for the evaluation in May...I had a strange peace come over me that I was not expecting.  And I felt God telling me it was okay, that this could be okay.
Well she did get into the program and I felt that was God's open door in the direction we should start.  In the back of my mind I told myself that I could always pull her out if it turned out to be terrible.  I went to pick a backpack out for her to attempt to check another thing off of my to-do list and found myself just staring at the wall, only later to return to the store with Zoe for her to pick one out.  Somehow it seemed like such an important choice and Zoe is so selective and passionate, I knew it needed to be hers.
She loved doing so and sitting in the car on the way out.
I greatly anticipated the open house and meeting her teachers and seeing her room.  Zoe didn't really talk to them but I made her take a picture with them in order to go outside to the playground.  I'm sure it won't be too long before they get to see her strong personality come out.
Shiloh wanted her picture taken, too, of course!

I question still, though, if I'm doing the right thing.  (This has nothing to do with the great school or great teachers.)  Should I be homeschooling her (even though that doesn't seem to be really realistic with my work and our clashing personalities)?  Should I just have her not go for a year?  How I wish I could look at other options, but just can't due to money.  I have never wanted to be forced because of finances to make decisions about what may be in the best interest for our children.  And perhaps I would have come to the same conclusion (although I seriously doubt it) but it's hard not having that option.
Handing over my first born soul to the hands of strangers is so very hard.  It is like another huge part of my heart walking around and I don't know what's going on.  The only thing keeping me sane is knowing that I have a loving Heavenly father that is watching over her and loves her more than I could ever love her!

1 comment:

  1. I remember holding on to this truth on many occasions as I had to "let go" of you. And God has always kept you in His Grip and He always will. An He will keep your littles as well.