The season leading up to Christmas is so full of excitement, lights and traditions. I love it and look forward to this seemingly magical time. However, this year had a hard a hard hit with reality and wasn't at all what I was expecting.
This was probably our most difficult season yet between being rear-ended and totaling our van (thus having many fun interactions with insurance companies, van retail, extra chiropractic adjustments each week, and finding a new vehicle to hold our whole family), my body almost completely shutting down on me unexpectedly some days/weeks at a time (thanks Esteem-Bar virus), then spraining my ankle, while almost falling down our entire stairs backwards holding my three-year-old fever child (who turns out after being sick for quite some time including 12 days of a fever, that he had a double ear infection and ruptured ear drum = momma heart ache) with the addition of the busiest time of the year with the business (a true blessing but oh so hard with Beach roasting until midnight one night and then working double duty when most of the staff are out). This leads to the longest run on sentence BUT I felt it appropriate as it carries the weight of what I was feeling.
That moment when I fell on my butt and I knew my ankle was done, I knew I was done as well. I needed help. Boy did I need help. I hate needing, needing anything really. I like being self sufficient, strong and capable. Yet in this time when I am anything but, the Lord is teaching me. He brought the The Beatitudes to mind:
3“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Man was my spirit downcast! Oh how I mourned for so much (loss of our traditions, my health, being able to help others, friends - for we were so isolated with sickness, even my identity - as who I was felt like it was slipping away. How I struggle with feeling so meek, so vulnerable. How many times did I cry out to God about our current situation, seeking Him.
So I'm blessed. Beyond blessed. My reality and position did not match my feelings and I struggled.
Then I thought more about Advent, the anticipation of Christ coming, a savior being born. What good news! Yet if you don't understand your own depravity, your own need of a Savior, how good can this good news really be. So Advent took on a whole new meaning for me this year. Oh, how I need Him! I am so lost and desperate! Any ability of self-sufficiency is just an illusion. How blessed I am that He has revealed this to me, showing me more of my place and longing more for my perfect body in heaven.
I was also so humbled by Christ's body caring for me. I reached out on FB for prayer, desperate that I was, I need all the lifting up possible. I felt such Christ's love poured over me in those that would pray. A friend even started a meal sign-up for me. This was such a huge burden lifted (since I couldn't even be on my feet much with my ankle) and no small task. I can't eat gluten, diary, soy or raw fruits and veggies (another struggle as I am working on healing my gut issues - this means no shortcuts in cooking), so to accommodate such a request was so beyond amazing. People's generosity I KNOW was filed by the Holy Spirit and it grew my trust in the Lord even more. He did provide and He used His body to do so!
I don't want forget my lessons learned this year of the Advent stories (although I am not quick to want to repeat them). Despite no cute crafts being done, or cookies baked and many missed events, what truly matters shinned oh so bright in the darkest places of my soul. Thank you Baby Jesus! Rejoice! Our Savior has been Born!
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