My Step Work (sometimes baby steps)

Hi, I'm Jessica and I'm a controlaholic.  What... that's a thing?  Apparently that is my thing.  While I always knew that, yes, I like to have things go my way (don't most people), to the extent that this permeated my life and emotions I had no clue until recently.

It began with being asked to help with a 12 step group.  Well, OK, but I don't have an addiction, so I felt that perhaps I would be out of place, but I would love to help and support as I could.  Then I started going through our book.....and bam!  

Written by a Christian that seemed to be reading my mind and coming from a place where I found myself all to often.  I was definitely not out of place but right in the middle of things, mainly with the Lord opening my eyes to my heart and the sin disease I keep trying to run from and repress (instead of surrender)!  It is hard, very hard looking at your junk that has been hidden for quite some time (and involved so many tears and fears), yet so so very liberating in allowing Christ to do the healing that I did not even know I needed so desperately!  

I loved the book so much that I picked up another book that I'm in process of working through to dive even deeper into the subject.  I'm so very thankful for these words and to be humbled in this manner in order to become more free.  I know this will have major impacts on my marriage and relationship with my children in the years to come (as well as others along the way).  If your interested in knowing more please feel free to ask!

Washed in the water fun!

Zoe gave her life to the Lord over a year ago but we had never talked about her getting baptized.  I suppose it was just because of her age that we had yet to bring up the subject.  However, through our reading the Bible, many times we have read about John the Baptist and his ministry, never connecting the dots for her on our need to do so as well.

Several months ago, at a daddy-daughter dance, she whispered to Beach how she wanted to get baptized.  What brought this about was a mystery to us, but her heart was set on it.  Months later when Zoe visited my parents church on a sleepover night, she ended up in the service with them due to fear of the classroom.  They had members being baptized during the service, her first witness to a live account.  Zoe was ready to do so then and there but my parents encouraged her to wait to talk to us.

Upon further discussion, we decided she was ready, but I was still torn because of her age and just wondering if she would be able to handle it.  How not so wonderful it would be if we got all ready and got up there and she backed out...I think that was more of a nervous issue for this momma!   So I had her observe the next baptism at our church, because it may be different than what she had set in her mind.  Yep, she was still excited and on board...constantly asking when they would do it again so she could join!

She continued to ask about it and, one evening when it was just the two of driving, she was really quiet (this is a true rarity with her).  I asked if she was tired....no, no she was fine.  A moment later she told me she was scared.  "Scared?  Honey what's wrong?"  She explained that she had been thinking about when she would be getting baptized and the thought of just being wet the entire time at church.  When I explained that we would bring another change of clothes, I could see the widest smile come across her face, elated!  She planned out which bathroom she would change in and again asked when the special day would arrive.

We had a meeting with our campus pastor the week before.  It was a  bit difficult, to say the least, as the younger ones were with us too, acting very much their age.  When asked why she wanted to be baptized, she explained because she believed that it would be fun.  I'm not going to lie, my heart felt a little embarrassed, we must have missed it in explaining it to her!!!  We went on with the meaning and our pastor explained how baptism was an acting out of Jesus death and resection and a sign for others to see.  She understood this clearly.  We continued to talk about it in the days leading up to it, for I really wanted her to grasp the magnitude of what she was doing!
The more I thought about it, the more I, also, realized she was partly right.  This was to be fun.  God wants us to be excited about Him, about celebrating what He has done.  He wants us to be joyful and look forward to the symbols that He has given us. Perhaps I need to have a little more of this perspective in getting the opportunity to do things He has set up for me.  I want to have fun with my Lord.

The morning came and I did have a bit of nerves.  Even though I knew her heart was in the right place, Zoe still was only five, and sometimes five-year-olds are unpredictable, especially in new situations (like being on stage and going under water - which she normally does not like).  We managed to get to church early, of course not without some attack on the enemy and stress in being able to do so. Zoe wanted to sit through the service with us, and I was so thankful to be able to hold her, take a couple of deep breaths and worship before service began! 

After an introduction about baptism by one of our pastors, Beach was able to baptize Zoe.  It was special to hear him recount how we chose Zoe's name, the Lord's early pull on her life, on how she gave her life to the Lord and how she told him that she wanted to be baptized.  She beamed throughout it and when he little Sunday school class came in managed a little wave to a friend.  

Then the moment was here.  I was blessed in be able to hold her hand as she was emerged in the warm water, needing an extra little assistance in going down.  Her cute little legs popped up in the process. Then I whisked her away to get dry.  

Later on in the day she would often exclaim with a big grin, "I can't believe that I got baptized today!!" Although going under the water was not her favorite part, the process was such a blessing.  She continues to share her great news with many others that we come across, whether she knows them or not.  Thank you Lord, that you draw this one so close and are doing amazing things in her life!  Zoe may you relationship with the Lord continue to grow in knowledge of His love for you and may you always have fun with Him! 

(A picture Zoe drew recently at school - thankful for God - and dad and mom, too.)

Fall fun, the Grands visit again (October '15)

I must say much of this month has been HARD.  Physically and emotionally I have been spent many times than I can count!  There were a few brief highlights...

like making coffee with my man!  We don't do many weddings, as the weekends are usually a busy family time (and catch up around the house time) but when we do, coffee bars are a major hit and joy! The night of the 1000 year flood, it began the heavy raining (after doing so for a couple of weeks) and we were glad to make it home safely!

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 Getting through the week of the floods (and loss of electricity, clean water, no school - all while fighting my own illness) was difficult on so many levels and my heart ached to help while my circumstances said "No!"  

My mom took the kids one morning so I could attempt to get some rest, and they went to the zoo with the cousins!  Danielle always takes fun pictures!

I feel like my kids were climbing the walls when we finally were able to get out of the house...and any other thing that they came across.

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We love our tradition of popcorn and movie nights on Friday!  The littles watch little TV...so this is a special treat!  What a joy to have all my littles close.

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When you find out that there is a free dinner at a new restaurant....you must try it....even with the craziness in toe.  Luckily we found back-up there!

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Why oh why is she in this silly open your mouth when you take a picture phase?  Dates with Shi to the library!

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On one glorious late afternoon when Beach was blessed to be done with work a little earlier we discovered a cute little park near our house!  We had a blast discovering the nature around.  Little Ezra is a bundle of energy and loves to chase his sisters!

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After a couple of busy nights for this momma, I came home to find this.  My sweet boys.  Beach reported that when he got tired each night Ezra would craw on daddy's chest and go right to sleep (so of course Daddy joined him)!

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Beach escaped for a whole weekend away on a men's retreat.....this momma survived!  There were many tears over their missed daddy.  I tried to make some special moments with the kiddos.  They wanted to walk the golf course after school....so we did.  The girls held hands, giggled and often hurried on ahead of us.....which lead to chasing of Ezra for over 30 minutes attempting to keep up!  

They love to explore this "castle tree".

May they always be the best of friends!

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While mommy got her hair done my littles had some Russell time!

Including hugs when Lydia was not looking...

Teacher story time...

And Ezra making his own blocks!

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This little was so excited when she realized I had finally gotten a pumpkin.  When she was going to help me with the groceries, I heard, "Take a picture of me mom!" and found her in the back hugging it.

And again she wanted a picture caring in the grocery pose!

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A Grandpa and Grandma Loveland visit was way overdue!  

Daddy had to work a lot but we found some fun around town.  Grandma, of course, brought many cute dresses!

An open house around the corner had a few fun things to explore!

We traveled around a small lake for some trick-o-treat fun.  This little giraffe was a cute handful!

Our attempt at a family picture...Ezra just wanted to head to the water the whole time.

Another evening we went out to dinner.  

I spent most of the time outside attempting to keep the littles entertained and out of trouble!  But took a break for a funny picture with daddy's drink.

Another day we had a fun date complete with a trip to the library...

 the dollar store for a treasure...

(I think this was my favorite picture!)

 
and out to eat!

 And have to have a bit of playing around!

I have no idea where she gets it from!

A trip is not complete without a batch (or two) of Grandma's cookies!

Loveland lady snuggles!

Getting some good car advice from his Grandpa!

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I was so blessed to be able to help at Zoe's school at their fall fair!  Little Ms. Fancy Nancy and I had a good time.  Although I mostly just got to watch her from a far, as I helped out!

Not the best picture of us...but glad to have it none the less!

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Fun rides from daddy when he got home!

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Shiloh insisted on trying on her toddler dress up item.  Then loved it so much played she in it outside later that day....till she got to sweaty.  Cracked me up!

With all the excitement it was a much needed creative restful night at home...

complete with pumpkin carving and painting.

Although this is often the look I get from Ezra!

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Dress up time!  How adorable is this!!!  Some Loveland Coffee costumers (and now good friends) had this amazing idea!

The girls were pretty excited about the evening candy exploration!  Ezra, not so much!

But when he found that he got to run after his sisters all over the place, he changed his mind!

It was a lower attended evening but we still enjoyed ourselves!

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Seriously there is nothing sweeter for this momma than seeing the love between her children and their daddy!

Loving all this LOVE!