Beaching it

The past few weeks have been hard, really hard on our family. With my baby sister really sick for a month and in the hospital for most of that time, my other sister under the weather and my parent's heart's heavy in caring for my sister we were ready for some time together as a family. However, the beach house that my mom booked was still to early for my sister to get out of the hospital, much to all of our grave disappointment. My sister, though, instead on my mom coming for part of the time. So after much nagging and her swallowing up some guilt, she was able to do so. Her "dream" of us all being able to go as a family didn't quit happen, but at least we got pieces of it.

Although the nausea ran strong for both my sister and I, much fun and relaxation was had by all. The only other time Zoe has been to the beach, was when she was 6 months and now that she can get around, boy did she! I was thankful have other hands because I think she only sat down once all the times we did go to the beach.

The boys enjoyed looking for sharks teeth.

I'm not sure who loved spending time together more, Zoe or her Poppy!

Zoe's love/fear relationship with the birds

Sadness that Beach's nice camera remained fogged up and that my cheap one proved all pictures to bright, that my youngest sister could not be there, or my parents the whole time, but over all an awesome experience.

My of my favorite times, during out last very overcast day, when Zoe was just so worn down by her Poppy, waves and fun, she let me hold and snuggle with her. We just watched the waves together and tears welled up in my eyes, as I felt the love of the Lord and his peace and blessing wash over me.

Thank you Lord!

Yummmm crayons!

Zoe loves crayons! To try to use them on the easel, walk around the house with them and her favorite....to eat them. Luckily for the walls and floors of our house, she hasn't quite figured out how to make them work. Part of the reason her old easel writing is still up, is so she can a least see what it would look like. Oh, she does try, will even try with her finger but that does not stop her love for the colorful creations.

To try to derail the consumption of a large amount of wax by my daughter (without taking away her beloved toy); I have discovered that she loves to chew on large carrots. Now, that has not taken away her desire completely for tasting of all the colors but at least it does cut it down, helps with the teething and gives her some nutrition. Awwweee the joys of discovery......for both of us.

Walk it out girl!

My baby really isn't so much of a baby now but with all her moving and shaking she really is a toddler....I can't believe it. So sad and so exciting all at once. Tonight she spent many, many, many laps around the kitchen, living room, dinning room area without really even stopping much. Very focused on her work and telling us about it with her babble. This pic was taken a little later but shows her love of walking!

Yet again, I think she is getting another trait of mine. I have a hard time stopping.....hard stopping many things that I'm doing, good and bad. Take working out....years ago I had to limit myself to just 2 hours at the gym at a time (I know that seems like a lot now) or I would just keep going. I would play tennis forever (did I mention I can hardly even hit the ball). The computer games of the past that I just won't start, minesweeper, hearts, beg for "just one more game". Oh, and don't get me started on food! The OC trait is very powerful!

At any rate, I hope that Zoe will be able to focus all that energy in a positive way. Perhaps even being a runner like both

parents were back in the day.

A Long Awaited (Birthday) Date

In that my man's birthday is rolling around again, we used it as a good excuse to go on a date and spend some long awaited time together. Love that so many places give out coupons for your birthday and we think we found one of the best yet!

We made a quick stop for treats and a great sale to spend a gift certificate at Miss Cockey! They have some oh so cute stuff (most of which I can't afford without such a grand deal). We walked away with many goodies and a goodie bag to match!

Our next stop was California Dreaming.....ummmm; haven't been there in years and their salad was just as good as I remember. Guess what, it was prom night for many of the dinners there. I couldn't help but beam as we walked to our table and I watched theses young creatures all made up for their evening. You see that was were my husband took me for our Junior year prom. How long ago was that, hun? Oh, wait 14 years....hummmm maybe I could still pass as prom goer. I couldn't help but wonder if I had known about this beforehand if I wouldn't have thrown on my prom dress from back in the day for dinner, just for kicks. Beach was probably glad that I did not have the opportunity to do so.

For laughs, I included a picture from our scrap book...Me with my hair falling down and Beach looking pretty excited! Prom '07!

By the way, Beach greatly enjoyed his filet mignon (yep they allow you to order WHATEVER you want for your free entire - just make sure you sign up online for their birthday VIP club beforehand). We managed to remember to take a pic before it was all demolished! As good as my salad was, getting towards the end, I found a large hair. Determined not to gag or let it ruin the night, I allowed the server just to send me home with another salad. Walking out, more smiles and glad that we could have two salads and steak for 10 bucks (plus tip).

We had to top it off with birthday ice cream...ummmmm. May I say it's been a long time for such a treat and oh so good! Can't Beach have a birthday more than once a year?!?!?

The Grand Visit

We had Beach's parents visit for a few days all the way from Michigan. Long journey, I know, as we have taken such a few times ourselves. We were thankful that they could come for Zoe's first birthday and see some of the extended family!

Zoe showed off some of her walking skills.

And Grandma, who always seems to have on a fresh coat of bright red lipstick, could not help but shower her in kisses (who could blame her). I like this pic as you can see how her face is in the process of almost getting covered in the red gunk.

We have not been out to eat much at all with Zoe, as she can be a challenge, at times. I hate to have MY screaming baby disturb other dinners. However, we found a trick that worked. Upon visiting the Villa (with some extra coupons from Restaurants.com), a special place to Beach and I as it was our first date, we found a trick that worked with Zoe!

She loves lemons!!! As long as she had one to eat and chew on she was one quiet happy baby!

We were thankful that Beach's mom and dad could make it here for some special time!

Lions and Tigers and....Walking?... oh my!

So we got an awesome gift from my mom of a zoo pass for Zoe's birthday. Zoe LOVES dogs so much that I knew it would be something our whole family could enjoy. With temps in the low 80s it was just perfect for our first trip while Beach's parents were down visiting from MI (where it had snow the day they left).

I loved seeing Zoe's reactions and joy to the day. She appeared to be studding much at these new creatures. I feel I got glimpses of her personality emerging at different points.

When a gorilla came charging down the hill to the window (which seemed to scare the couple of adults that were standing there), Zoe did not appear concerned but continued to want to get closer.

She, also, attempted to pick up the iguana, but luckily there was glass between them.

When in the barn area, Zoe loved watching the goats get feed. Laughing at how close they would get to her face. I think they were her favorite animal.

However, after being carried around for sometime, she demanded to get down. Walking was her greatest joy. She would only want to hold on to one person's finger at a time, two hands were to much and none were to scary. So she walked for well over an hour and I loved every second of it!

"You coming guys?"

A way we go until next time...

Loss - a waterproof mascara kind of week

Loss is a hard thing. This pregnancy had been different since the last in so many ways and for some reason I could not shake the thought of a miscarriage. It wasn't fear, per say, but insight perhaps? As odd as it may sound I do feel that the Lord gives me wisdom about specific things that are going to happen in the future. This clear discernment happening only when He chooses but it does seem so real that when it comes true it is no surprise.

That was the case when we lost our poor little baby this weekend. Hearing its heartbeat at five weeks was amazing but did make it harder. I realize that miscarriages are fairly common but rarely talked about. I need to share, though, to heal and perhaps help any that may need to know upon crossing my path. I was excited about the pregnancy but guarded, though this was never a thought while caring Zoe. The Lord helped to prepare me for what was to come.

What was a shock, though, was the physical pain and messiness of the whole experience. It felt in some ways to a mini birth (very mini when I consider that almost a year ago I was experiencing Zoe's entrance to the world without any drugs). The doctor stated that this was true and it was in many ways. AND the hormones, sometimes hits at random times, the tears flow, the darkness closes in (which is not helped by the dark weather) and I don't want to get out of bed (or sometimes just want to crawl back in). It is a waterproof mascara kind of week for sure. All this mixed with the thoughts of having to plan for my daughter's amazing birthday coming up this week.

I did hate pulling up to the doctor's office and not being able to park in my normal spot, the place where I was so excited to park the week before. I was no longer in that special category.

I do feel that the Lord protected me in so many ways. There are soooo many things to be thankful for in the way that it happened:

1. That I didn't go to the lady's retreat at our church as I had signed up to go and have greatly enjoyed in the past but just did not think I was supposed to do so. (It would have been awful to be so far away and so unprepared.)
2. That this did not happen in the middle of our all day foster care training earlier in the day.
3. That Beach was there, as it was over the weekend, to support me and take care of Zoe.
4. That it didn't happen when my in-laws were visiting for the yearly visit the following weekend.
5. That I wasn't too far along and, thus, did not need a DNC.
6. That I was not really showing so as to be obvious to the world and have to answer a million questions, as my clients and most others had yet to know about the pregnancy.
7. Like all hardships, I feel it gives me another tool to relate to and understand those that may have gone through something similar.
8. That I already have an amazing daughter of my own, that brings me so much joy.

I know our home will have more children, whether they come from my body, foster care, long or short term, we are open to love. Above all, though, I trust in God's sovereignty, in HIS PERFECT timing. In his wisdom. In his Grace. In that, through tears at times, I rest.